Y09W37WR Should Schools Collect Student Wellbeing Data?

Part 1

How to Write

Persuasive – Submission

A persuasive submission argues for a clear position on an issue and aims to influence a specific decision-maker. It is written for a formal audience — often a committee, council or leadership group — and must be credible and well-reasoned. The tone should be confident and respectful, demonstrating careful thinking about the issue.

  • Ideas & content: Take a clear position and develop it with logical, well-supported reasons. Acknowledge complexity where it exists, but always return to your core argument.
  • Structure & cohesion: Open with your position, develop your reasons in a logical order and close with a clear recommendation. Use connecting language to move from point to point smoothly.
  • Voice & audience: Write for your specific audience — formal, measured and credible. Avoid emotional exaggeration. Show you understand the issue from multiple sides, even while arguing one position.
  • Language choices: Use precise, formal vocabulary. Control modality carefully — words like should, must and strongly recommends signal conviction. Vary sentence structure for impact.
  • Conventions: Spell key terms correctly. Use punctuation to manage complex sentences. Check that your sentences are as clear as they are persuasive.

Common pitfalls: Arguing from passion alone without evidence or reasoning — a good submission shows logical thinking, not just strong feeling. Failing to acknowledge the other side even briefly, which makes your argument look one-sided.

Part 2

Your Task Plan for Today

The brief

Question: Write a submission to the education department arguing for or against the proposed student wellbeing data program. Take a clear position, support it with reasoning and address at least one argument on the other side. Your submission will be considered alongside those from parents, educators and privacy advocates.

Stimulus: A state education department is consulting on a proposed program that would allow secondary schools to collect and analyse data about students’ attendance, academic results, extracurricular engagement and responses to wellbeing surveys in order to identify students who may be at risk of disengagement or mental health difficulties. The data would be accessible only to designated staff. Advocates argue it would allow earlier and more targeted support for vulnerable students. Critics argue it creates detailed personal profiles of minors without genuine informed consent, and that the data could be used or accessed beyond its original purpose.

Task Analysis: This task asks you to argue a clear position to an audience with real decision-making power. A strong response will take a definite stand, support it with specific reasoning that goes beyond personal preference, and acknowledge the strongest argument on the other side.

Quick Plan

Before you write, plan:

  • Your position — clearly stated
  • 2–3 reasons with specific detail, not just claims
  • The strongest opposing argument and your response
  • Your call to action — exactly what you want your audience to do

Thesis / position

State your position clearly from the opening. Your audience needs to know exactly where you stand before reading your reasoning. A submission to decision-makers should be direct — they are reading many responses.

Evidence chain

For each reason, develop it fully with specific detail. If you argue about community impact, explain specifically what that means for your community. Developed reasoning is far more persuasive than a list of claims.

Counterargument

Acknowledge the main argument on the other side and explain why your position is more compelling despite that argument. Show your audience that you have considered multiple perspectives.

Credibility & tone

Write as someone who cares about this issue and has thought seriously about it. Be respectful to your audience and to people who disagree with you. Credibility comes from fairness and careful reasoning, not aggression.

Call to action

Close with a clear, direct statement of what you want your audience to decide or do. Name exactly what you are asking for and why it is the right choice.