Y06W12PA - An Afternoon of Unexpected Choices

This week you wrote a short story about an afternoon of unexpected choices. Now you'll read another student's story and decide how strong it is. Every module sharpens how you spot writing that earns its turning points.

Part 1

The Assessor Scorecard for

Narrative – Short story

Markers look for stories that build clearly toward a tough choice and show what changes after. Check each strand below to see what strong work looks like.

Ideas & Content

Two pulls inside the character that make the choice hard. A real reason why deciding isn't easy. Wants or values that push against each other.

  • Conflicting motivations that: make the character's choice difficult.

Structure & Cohesion

An ordinary setup before the pressure starts. A build that makes the decision feel needed. An ending that shows the change.

  • Logical progression from: setup through decision to change.

Audience & Purpose

Readers placed inside the character's mind. A sense of the struggle, not just the outcome. Thoughts and doubts shown, not skipped.

  • Insider perspective that: lets readers feel the character's dilemma.

Language Choices

Words that show hesitation or realisation as they happen. Language that signals a turning point clearly. No telling readers — let the words reveal the moment.

  • Revealing words that: signal internal conflict or turning points.

Conventions

Short sentences when the tension rises. Longer sentences during reflection or calm. Punctuation that supports the pace of the scene.

  • Varied sentence structures: that match pacing and mood.

Part 2

Today’s Marking Targets

Task in one sentence

Write a short story about an afternoon when a character faces unexpected choices and is changed by them.

Let’s Focus

Two strands matter most this week: Structure & Cohesion and Audience & Purpose. How you build the afternoon decides if the choice feels earned. Letting readers inside the character decides if they feel the weight of it.

Structure & Cohesion

Strong writing this week builds toward the choice instead of jumping to it. Small pressures stack up across the afternoon. Each moment links to the next. The choice itself becomes the turning point where both the character and the story shift direction.

What markers scan for

  • An opening that sets the character's starting point.
  • Events that build one after another, not jump.
  • A clear moment where the character must decide.
  • An ending that shows the result of the choice.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Events are described but don't clearly build toward the choice.

  • Strong

    Events build logically and the choice emerges as needed.

  • Excellent

    Each detail prepares the decision, and the ending reveals real change.

Audience & Purpose

Strong writing this week steps inside the character's mind when the choice arrives. Readers sense the hesitation, the competing wants, the realisation. When the story stays outside, readers see the choice but don't feel its weight. Inside the mind, the moment hits harder.

What markers scan for

  • Thoughts and doubts shown during the decision.
  • Internal struggle that readers can sense, not guess.
  • Dialogue or hesitation that reveals competing wants.
  • The choice made with awareness, not in a blur.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Readers know what the character chose but not why it mattered.

  • Strong

    Readers understand the dilemma through thought, hesitation or dialogue.

  • Excellent

    Readers feel the inner struggle, and the choice feels earned by the character's values.

Now read · Student sample

The Locker Room

Year 6 sample · \~350 words

Student sample for assessment

Written by a Year 6 student in Footscray, Victoria, Australia.

It started small. Marcus found the phone on the bench during PE, half hidden under a towel. He picked it up. Screen cracked, but it was on. A notification was flashing. Snap from Liam. Everyone's Snap with everyone in it. The group. The chat. He should have put it down. The locker room was almost empty. Just him and Toby at the far end, changing. Marcus opened the photos. Found the video. Him and Toby, from this morning, in the group chat, with captions Toby didn't know about. Stupid captions. The kind that made Toby small. Marcus felt his face get hot. Toby was tying his shoes. He had no idea. Marcus' thumb hovered over the screen. He could delete the video right now. Slide the phone into his pocket, leave it for the office later, tell no one. Toby would never know. Or he could show Toby. Warn him. Let him see what was being said about him. But then Toby would know Marcus had looked. Had seen it and hadn't said anything until now. Toby glanced up. 'You ready?' Marcus wasn't. His heart was knocking. He looked at the phone again. The comments below the video were building. Ha Ha Ha. Laugh react. Laugh react. More people adding to it. In an hour, maybe two, it would be everywhere. Toby would hear it. Someone would tell him, or he'd see it himself. Marcus took a breath. He held out the phone. 'You need to see this before anyone else tells you.' Toby's face changed. He took the phone. As he watched, Marcus saw something shift—not just anger, but confusion. Hurt. And Toby looked at Marcus. A question. 'I didn't post it,' Marcus said. 'But I saw it. I'm telling you now.' Toby's jaw tightened. He handed the phone back. 'Thanks,' he said, but it didn't sound like thanks. It sounded like goodbye. Marcus went back to his locker. He knew that tomorrow, things would be different. Harder, maybe. But also clearer. Because he'd chosen to show the truth instead of hide it, even though the truth meant losing something.