This week you wrote a risk assessment for a two-day bush walking and camping excursion. Now you'll read another student's document and judge how strong it is. Working through how assessors evaluate practical writing builds your ability to apply the same lens to your own work.
Part 1
The Assessor Scorecard for
Practical – Risk assessment
Risk assessments identify hazards, evaluate their likelihood and impact, and describe how they'll be managed. Strong assessments are judged on whether ideas, structure, audience, language and conventions support a safety decision.
Ideas & Content
Specific, concrete hazards are identified at each stage of the excursion.
Each risk names what could go wrong, who is affected and why it matters.
Vague or missing risks make the document less useful to the committee.
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Specific detail and completeness: risks are named clearly; no significant hazards are left out.
Structure & Cohesion
Clear headings and consistent categories — Stage, Risk, Likelihood, Impact, Precautions.
Logical flow lets readers scan and find what they need quickly.
Information doesn't repeat; sections connect logically.
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Clear organisation: the document is easy to scan; each section is distinct; categories are consistent.
Audience & Purpose
The writer anticipates what the committee needs to know to decide.
Tone is professional and reassuring without minimising real hazards.
The reader is confident the writer has done the risk thinking.
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Anticipating reader needs: the committee has the information they need to make a safety decision.
Language Choices
Precise safety terms: 'likelihood', 'impact', 'mitigation', 'precautions'.
Not 'maybe', 'bad' or 'hopefully' — those signal weak safety thinking.
Precision in language signals precision in the writer's analysis.
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Technical accuracy: safety terms are used correctly; language is specific, not vague or casual.
Conventions
Spelling is accurate; formatting is professional and consistent.
Headings are clear; lists are formatted properly; numbers and dates are correct.
These details signal competence in a document readers rely on for safety.
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Professional presentation: document is error-free; formatting is consistent; the reader sees a trustworthy text.
Part 2
Today’s Marking Targets
Task in one sentence
Write a risk assessment and safety plan for a two-day bush walking and camping excursion with 45 students and six supervising adults, for a school committee.
Let’s Focus
Three strands matter most this week: Structure & Cohesion, Ideas & Content and Language Choices. Structure is where the document excels — clear headings, consistent categories. Ideas and Language are where it needs growth — sharper risk detail and precise safety terms.
Structure & Cohesion
This document excels in organisation. The writer has structured it logically, with clear headings and consistent categories the committee can scan quickly. The layout helps readers find what they need. Information flows stage to stage without repetition.
What markers scan for
- Headings and categories stay consistent across all stages.
- Readers can quickly find information about a particular stage or risk.
- The document flows logically from before-departure through to return.
Score Bands
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Basic
Structure is unclear or inconsistent; readers must search for information and categories vary or are missing.
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Strong
The document is organised with clear headings and mostly consistent categories; most readers find what they need.
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Excellent
Structure is logical and polished; headings are clear, categories are consistent and the reader navigates easily.
Ideas & Content
This is where the document needs growth. Some risks are named but stay vague — 'something could go wrong in the bush'. Specific, concrete hazards aren't identified. Obvious risks for a two-day excursion with 45 students are missing or thin. A committee would find gaps.
What markers scan for
- Check whether each risk is specific — 'students may slip on wet rock' — or vague.
- Look for whether hazards are named for both days, not just the first.
- Notice whether risks for different student groups — young, anxious, less fit — appear.
Score Bands
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Basic
Risks are vague or incomplete; some obvious hazards are missing and descriptions lack detail.
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Strong
Most risks are identified with some specific detail, though a few gaps remain.
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Excellent
Risks are specific and concrete; no obvious hazards are omitted and descriptions show real understanding of context.
Language Choices
This is where the document needs growth. Informal or vague language appears where safety terms should be precise. Words like 'maybe', 'probably' or 'we hope' replace 'likelihood', 'mitigation' and 'precautions'. Vague language signals weak safety thinking.
What markers scan for
- Check whether safety terms — likelihood, impact, mitigation — are used correctly.
- Watch for casual language like 'hope', 'probably' or 'okay' creeping in.
- Look for numbers and measurements that ground claims in specifics.
Score Bands
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Basic
Language is informal or vague; safety terms are absent or used incorrectly.
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Strong
Safety terminology is used in most places; some informal language remains.
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Excellent
Language is precise and technical throughout; safety terms are used correctly and no vagueness remains.
Now read · Student sample
Risk Assessment and Safety Plan for an Excursion
Year 8 sample · \~400 words
Student sample for assessment
Written by a Year 8 student in Dromana, Victoria.
Stage 1: Before Departure Risk: Students may be unclear about what to bring or wear. This could result in someone arriving without proper footwear, warm clothing or water bottles. Likelihood: Possible. Impact: If students don't have proper gear, they may be uncomfortable or at risk of injury. Precautions: Provide a detailed packing list at least two weeks before departure. Confirm with parents that students have the required items. Check all students' gear on the day of departure. Stage 2: First Day Walking Trail Risk: The walking trail covers 12 kilometres, and students may become tired or dehydrated. Likelihood: Likely. Impact: Tired students may move slower, slip more easily or develop blisters. Dehydration can cause dizziness and fatigue. Precautions: Carry water bottles for all students and adults. Take a break every 2 kilometres. Provide snack foods at the halfway point. Have a first aid kit. Any student struggling should be paired with an adult. Walk at a moderate pace. Two adults will be assigned as 'sweepers' at the back of the group. Stage 3: Walking in Bush Environment Risk: Students may encounter wildlife or insects. The walking area includes snakes and spiders that could bite. Likelihood: Unlikely. Impact: Bites could be serious. Precautions: Conduct a pre-excursion briefing on wildlife. Students must stay on the marked trail at all times. Adults will watch for hazards. All students will have sun protection. Any wildlife sighting should be reported immediately to supervising adults. Stage 4: Overnight Camping Risk: Weather conditions could change suddenly. Storms or cold overnight temperatures could be a problem. Likelihood: Possible. Impact: Students may not sleep well or may be uncomfortable. Precautions: The campsite is sheltered and elevated away from water. Tents are provided. All students will have sleeping bags and warm layers. Adults will monitor weather conditions throughout the evening. If dangerous weather develops (e.g. strong winds or lightning), students will move to emergency shelter in nearby buildings. Stage 5: Second Day Activity Risk: Students may have accidents during the nature activity. Likelihood: Possible. Impact: Injuries could occur. Precautions: All activities will be supervised by trained guides. Activities will be age-appropriate. First aid equipment will be on site. Any injured student will be assessed by trained staff and transported to hospital if necessary. General Precautions All adult staff will have current first aid and CPR certification. A detailed emergency contact list will be prepared before departure. The school's excursion policy will be followed at all times. One adult will carry a satellite phone. In the event of an emergency, the school will be contacted immediately and parents will be notified.
