Y07W17PA - Confined Together

This week you wrote a short story about a group unexpectedly confined together. Now you'll read another student's story and decide how well it tracks change over time. Looking at someone else's work sharpens what you notice in your own.

Part 1

The Assessor Scorecard for

Narrative – Short story

Markers look for a clear beginning that sets up the situation, a middle that shows how confinement changes people, and an ending that reveals what has shifted.

Ideas & Content

Confining situation and small unfamiliar group introduced clearly. Specific shifts in relationships during the time together. Forced closeness reveals something about each character. No vague group, unclear time, or unchanged people.

  • Change: confinement, characters and shifts are clear; change feels earned.

Structure & Cohesion

Time passes clearly — hours or days feel real. Events build toward something, not just repeat. Structure moves from before, through, to after. No rushed or empty middle section.

  • Temporal: time passes clearly; events build; the ending shows change.

Audience & Purpose

Details ground the setting and make confinement feel real. Stakes feel personal, so readers care about the group. Reader is pulled in, not held at a distance.

  • Immersion: details ground the setting; readers care about the trapped group.

Language Choices

Dialogue and sensory detail bring the space to life. Characters interact in close quarters — shown, not told. Specific language captures small shifts in behaviour. No summary stand-ins like "they got bored."

  • Presence: sensory detail and dialogue ground the scene; specific words show change.

Conventions

Correct spelling, punctuation and dialogue formatting throughout. Clear attribution so readers know who is speaking. No errors that disrupt the sense of place.

  • Technical: spelling, punctuation and dialogue punctuation are accurate.

Part 2

Today’s Marking Targets

Task in one sentence

Write a short story set during a time when a small group of characters is unexpectedly confined together and changes occur.

Let’s Focus

Two strands matter most this week: Ideas & Content and Structure & Cohesion. The change between characters must feel real and earned. The time must be organised clearly so readers feel hours or days passing and see how that time transforms things.

Ideas & Content

Strong writing this week sets up why the group is confined, introduces characters who don't know each other, and shows specific shifts in how they relate. Each change should feel earned through what happens during confinement — not sudden or random.

What markers scan for

  • Clear reason for the confinement.
  • Distinct characters who don't know each other well.
  • Visible shifts in at least two relationships.
  • Shifts rooted in events during the confinement.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Reason for confinement is vague; characters blur; little change shown.

  • Strong

    Confinement is clear; characters are recognisable; two relationships shift believably.

  • Excellent

    Confinement feels real; characters are distinct; several relationships shift through specific moments.

Structure & Cohesion

Time must feel real — hours should feel like hours, a day like a day. Use meals, light changes or time references. Late events should connect to earlier ones. The story moves from before, through, to after, with a middle that shows true duration.

What markers scan for

  • Time markers that show clear progression.
  • Events that build logically across the story.
  • Confinement period feels long enough to matter.
  • Ending connects to events from earlier on.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Time feels vague or rushed; events don't build; structure is unclear.

  • Strong

    Time passes noticeably; events build; structure is mostly coherent.

  • Excellent

    Time is tracked clearly; events build with weight; the ending reveals real change.

Now read · Student sample

Confined Together

Year 7 sample · \~600 words

Student sample for assessment

Written by a Year 7 student in Thornleigh, New South Wales, Australia.

The storm hit so fast that nobody saw it as permanent. One moment the community hall had windows showing grey clouds. The next moment—hail against the roof like someone throwing gravel, and the power went out. "It's fine," Mrs Chen from the front desk said. "It'll pass in an hour. This is just a squall." It was not a squall. By 2 p.m., the hail had turned to heavy rain that pelted sideways. By 3 p.m., the wind had knocked branches across the parking lot. By 4 p.m., they'd stopped checking outside. Inside, there were five of them. Mrs Chen, who worked there. Arun, who'd been in the gym using the equipment. Jade, who'd come in to book the community room for her mum's book club. Tyler, who'd been using the computer room for homework. And Lex, a teenager who'd been volunteering there. Nobody had talked to anybody before the power went out. Arun lifted weights in the mornings when no one was around. Jade came in, did her task, left. Tyler was always on a computer. Lex was always doing something in the back. They were parallel people using the same building. By 6 p.m., without power or phones, they'd moved to the main hall because it had windows. By 7 p.m., the rain was so loud nobody wanted to talk. Arun and Lex found some snacks in the kitchen. Tyler and Jade sat on opposite benches, not speaking. Mrs Chen stood by a window, watching. "You should eat something," Mrs Chen said eventually, and she said it to all of them at once, as if they were already a group. Jade bit her thumbnail. "I'm not hungry." "You will be later," Mrs Chen said. She pulled out a container of rice crackers and some cheese. Tyler took some. Then Jade. Then Arun. They sat on the floor of the hall, eating in near-silence except for the thunder. Around 10 p.m., Tyler started shaking. Not from cold—the hall was warm—but something about the sustained noise and the dark, and maybe just the time. "I can't see anything," Tyler said, very quietly. Jade looked over. She got up and sat next to him. Didn't say anything. Just sat there. By midnight, Mrs Chen had convinced them to try sleeping. They made a rough bed of coats and towels in the back room. The storm had quieted slightly, and in the dark, they could hear the wind's rhythm instead of fighting it. Lex couldn't sleep either and sat up. "What's your name?" Lex asked Tyler. "Tyler." "I'm Lex." "I know." "But you don't. I volunteer here, but you're always on the computer, and I'm in the back. We've never actually talked." Tyler was quiet. Then: "That's true." "I like your music sometimes," Lex said. "I've heard it from your computer. The lo-fi stuff." Tyler turned toward Lex in the dark. "Really?" By dawn, the rain had stopped. By mid-morning, the power was back. Mrs Chen opened the front doors to air that smelled clean and caught on wet leaves. They walked outside blinking. The parking lot was covered with broken branches, but the road beyond was passable. Jade, who'd been quiet all night, turned to Arun. "I'm sorry I was weird yesterday," she said. "You weren't weird." "I was. I was scared." "Yeah," Arun said. "That's fair." They didn't make plans to see each other again. That's not what happened. But as they left, they knew each other. Arun held the door for Lex. Jade waved at Mrs Chen. Tyler and Lex walked out together, talking about the lo-fi playlist.