Y05W44PA - Complaint to the Swimming Centre

This week you wrote a complaint letter to a swimming centre manager. Now you'll read another student's letter and decide how strong it is. Looking at other writing helps you spot moves you can use.

Part 1

The Assessor Scorecard for

Transactional – Letter (formal)

Markers look for letters that name the problem clearly, say why it was wrong, and ask for a fix. Check each strand below.

Ideas & Content

Exact details about what happened — who, when, what. A clear reason why it was wrong, not just "I'm upset." A fix you want, stated plainly.

  • Exact complaint: exact details about what happened and why it was wrong.

Structure & Cohesion

An opening that names the issue. A middle that tells what happened and why it was wrong. A closing that asks for the fix you want.

  • Clear structure: issue, what happened, why it was wrong, and the fix you want.

Audience & Purpose

A tone that is firm but not angry or rude. Language that shows you're serious, not over the top. Words that ask, not shout.

  • Firm respect: a tone that's firm and professional without sounding angry.

Language Choices

Clear, direct words that show this matters. No passive lines like "things were said" — name it. No big emotional outbursts that weaken the point.

  • Direct words: clear, direct words that show how serious the problem is.

Conventions

Correct letter layout — greeting, body, sign-off. Spelling and punctuation that hold up the formal tone. A pattern of mistakes lowers the mark — one or two does not.

  • Letter rules: correct layout, spelling and punctuation all the way through.

Part 2

Today’s Marking Targets

Task in one sentence

Write a formal letter to the swimming centre manager naming what happened, why it was wrong, and what you want done.

Let’s Focus

Two strands matter most this week: Ideas & Content and Audience & Purpose. Exact ideas help you name what happened and why it mattered. Knowing your reader — the manager — helps you write firmly but politely. Together, they make your complaint clear and credible.

Ideas & Content

Strong letters this week give exact details. Name what the staff member did, when it happened, and why it was wrong. Then ask for the fix you want. The manager should finish your letter clear on the problem and the fix.

What markers scan for

  • Name exactly what the staff member did and said.
  • Explain clearly why this was wrong.
  • Ask for a fix — say what you want the centre to do.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Events are named but details are thin — the manager needs more to act.

  • Strong

    Events are clear with exact details — the fix you want is stated plainly.

  • Excellent

    Events are clear with rich details — the fix you want is exact and fitting.

Audience & Purpose

Strong letters this week sound firm but polite. You show the problem mattered without shouting or being rude. The manager should feel your complaint is fair and worth a real reply.

What markers scan for

  • Keep a firm tone — serious, but not angry or rude.
  • Use direct words that show the problem mattered.
  • Ask for a fix politely, like someone the manager should listen to.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Tone is firm at times but slips into angry or upset language.

  • Strong

    Tone stays firm and polite — the manager can see the complaint is fair.

  • Excellent

    Tone is firm and polite throughout — the complaint sounds fully thought-through.

Now read · Student sample

Complaint to the Swimming Centre

Year 5 sample · ~150 words

Student sample for assessment

Written by a Year 5 student in Coburg, Victoria, Australia.

Dear Swimming Centre Manager,

I am writing to lodge a complaint about the treatment my younger sister got from your staff member on Saturday, 6 April. She was treated really badly and it wasn't fair.

During the afternoon, my sister was using the change room. A staff member yelled at her for taking too long and was super rude to her. My sister did nothing wrong. She was just getting ready like everyone else. The staff member's harsh tone made her feel bad.

This is not okay because your staff are supposed to create a safe place for all visitors. My sister didn't deserve to be treated like this, and nobody even said sorry.

I need you to talk to your staff member. Kids deserve to be treated nicely. Your staff need to understand that being mean affects how a child feels. We want an apology and you need to make sure your staff are nice to kids in future.

Yours sincerely, A Year 5 Student