Y05W04PA - The New Student and the Unexpected Event

This week you wrote a story about a new student and a surprise event. Now you'll read another student's story and decide how strong it is. Seeing someone else's writing helps you spot what builds surprise — then use those moves in your own work.

Part 1

The Assessor Scorecard for

Narrative – Short story

Markers look for stories that bring real characters to life through clear events. Check each strand below to see what strong work looks like.

Ideas & Content

A character with real feelings and reasons — not just a name. Exact details: words said, sounds heard, colours seen. Events that grow out of who the character is.

  • Real characters: exact details and real reasons that make the story feel true.

Structure & Cohesion

A clear opening that sets up the people and place. Events that lead to each other — not random jumps. A turning point and an ending that feels earned.

  • Cause and effect: events link to each other with a clear opening, turn and ending.

Audience & Purpose

Choices about what to show now and what to hold back. A voice that fits the world of the story. Moments that pause for feeling, then move again.

  • Reader engagement: choices about timing, voice and what is held back to pull the reader in.

Language Choices

Verbs that show action — not vague or worn-out words. Dialogue that sounds like real people speaking. Feeling shown through action, not labels like "angry."

  • Showing language: exact words that show action and feeling, with dialogue that sounds real.

Conventions

Spelling and grammar that don't pull the reader out. Dialogue punctuated the right way — quote marks and commas. Sentences that vary in length to fit the story.

  • Technical accuracy: correct spelling, punctuation and dialogue with sentences that vary.

Part 2

Today’s Marking Targets

Task in one sentence

Write a story about a new student and the surprise event that changes what the class thinks of them.

Your story begins when the new student arrives. The class assumes they will be shy or quiet, but within a week something unexpected happens. This event changes two things: it changes what the class thinks about the new student, and it changes what the class thinks about themselves. The unexpected event is the heart of your story—it must feel surprising but believable, not random. Your task is to establish the new student and the class's first impression, develop the story through events that build toward the unexpected moment, bring that moment to life, and show how both the student and the class are changed by it.

Let’s Focus

Two strands matter most this week: Audience & Purpose and Ideas & Content. A surprise only works if you build it. Reveal too early and there's no shock. Spring it from nowhere and it feels random. A real character makes the surprise land.

Audience & Purpose

Strong writing this week makes the surprise feel earned. Don't hint too hard early, and don't drop it with no setup. Slow down for big moments, then move on. The reader should meet the new student the same time the class does.

What markers scan for

  • A surprise that's shocking but feels possible looking back.
  • Clues placed so the reader doesn't guess too early.
  • Pacing that slows for big moments and moves through smaller ones.
  • An ending that shows how the class now sees the new student.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Surprise happens but feels random or too obvious, and pacing is uneven.

  • Strong

    Surprise feels real and earned, with pacing that builds toward the key moment.

  • Excellent

    Surprise lands perfectly — shocking yet fitting, with pacing that builds every step.

Ideas & Content

Strong writing this week brings the new student to life as a real person with feelings and reasons. The first-day judgement should be clear. The surprise should fit who they are. Specific details — what they say, do, or notice — make both the character and the change feel true.

What markers scan for

  • A new student with real traits, not just a label.
  • The class's first judgement made clear early.
  • A surprise that reveals or shows something true about them.
  • Details that show real change in how the class sees them.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    New student feels a bit flat and the surprise doesn't fully connect to who they are.

  • Strong

    New student feels real and the surprise grows from who they are or what they do.

  • Excellent

    New student feels alive and the surprise reveals something true that changes everyone.

Now read · Student sample

The New Student and the Unexpected Event

Year 5 sample · ~150 words

Student sample for assessment

Written by a Year 5 student in Penrith, NSW, Australia.

Everyone thought Maya would be shy and boring when she arrived at our school in the middle of term. She wore big glasses and didn't talk much on her first day. We all thought she would sit alone at lunch and not make any friends.

Then something unexpected happened that changed everything. One day something really good occurred and everyone started to like her. It was pretty amazing and made us all realise something about ourselves too. The whole class was affected by what happened.

Maya turned out to be different from what we expected. Everyone wanted to be her friend now. She became popular and people cared about her a lot. The unexpected thing that happened to Maya meant that our class became better. We all learned something important.

By the end of the week, everything was different. Maya was part of our group and we were all happy about it. The class was a nicer place because of her arrival. We stopped being so quick to judge people based on how they looked. It was good that something happened to change our minds.