Y05W42PA - What Happened That Evening

This week you wrote a story about a power blackout with your family. Now you'll read another student's story and decide how strong it is. Looking at other writing helps you spot moves you can use.

Part 1

The Assessor Scorecard for

Narrative – Short story

Markers look for stories that show how a quiet moment changes a family. Check each strand below to see what strong work looks like.

Ideas & Content

Exact family moments — what people say and do. Details that show real family ties, not just "we sat together." A shift from being annoyed to feeling close.

  • Real connection: exact moments and details that show real family ties.

Structure & Cohesion

A start that sets up the blackout and the frustration. A middle where the family talks or shares in the dark. An ending where something quiet but real has shifted.

  • Change build-up: structure moves from frustration through talk to a real shift.

Audience & Purpose

Choices that make the candlelit room feel real. Details picked on purpose — not just any old thing. A mood that holds from the first candle to the last.

  • Family mood: choices on purpose that build a real family scene.

Language Choices

Sensory details — the dark, the candle light, the voices. Dialogue that sounds like real family talk. Mixed sentence lengths that match the quiet mood.

  • Real detail: sensory details and dialogue that feel real to the family scene.

Conventions

Spelling and punctuation that don't break the mood. Paragraph breaks at each shift in the evening. A pattern of mistakes lowers the mark — one or two does not.

  • Story structure: correct spelling, punctuation and paragraphs that hold the story up.

Part 2

Today’s Marking Targets

Task in one sentence

Write a story about what happens during a power blackout that lasts the whole evening with your family.

Let’s Focus

Two strands matter most this week: Ideas & Content and Language Choices. Strong ideas use exact family moments — what people say, how they act, what they find out about each other. Language choices build mood and pull the reader into the candlelight.

Ideas & Content

Strong stories this week show real family moments in the dark. Maybe people tell stories, play games, or talk in new ways. The blackout becomes a story about what families find out about each other when the screens go off.

What markers scan for

  • Show what each family member does and says.
  • Add dialogue that sounds like your real family.
  • Let the mood shift from annoyed to close, step by step.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Events are clear but family moments are flat — connection isn't felt.

  • Strong

    Events are shown with dialogue — family connection comes through clearly.

  • Excellent

    Events are shown with rich details — connection feels earned and real.

Language Choices

Strong language this week makes the candlelight feel close. Mix short and long sentences to match the quiet pace. Use sensory details — what the dark feels like, how the candle smells — and dialogue that sounds like real talk.

What markers scan for

  • Mix sentence lengths to match the quiet pace.
  • Add sensory details — the dark, the candle light, the quiet.
  • Let dialogue sound like real family talk, not stiff lines.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Sentences are simple and dialogue is stilted — the scene stays flat.

  • Strong

    Sentences vary and dialogue sounds real — mood and pace come through.

  • Excellent

    Sentences vary with skill — rich details make the candlelight feel close.

Now read · Student sample

What Happened That Evening

Year 5 sample · ~200 words

Student sample for assessment

Written by a Year 5 student in Thornbury, Victoria, Australia.

When the power went out, the whole street went dark. Mum was annoyed because the fridge had food in it. Dad tried switching things on and off. My brother complained because his charger wasn't working.

After a while, Mum got candles from the kitchen. She lit them and put them in the lounge room. We sat there in the candlelight and didn't really know what to do.

Someone started talking. I can't even remember who said what, but we were just talking about things. Mum told a story about when she was little and the power went out and she thought it was magic. Dad laughed at her. My brother said something that made everyone laugh.

We stayed like that for ages. The candles made everything look different and shadowy. At one point, I remember looking at their faces in the light and noticing things I hadn't really noticed before. The whole thing felt quiet and strange and normal at the same time.

Then the power came back on and the lights went bright. It was a weird feeling, like we'd been somewhere else and suddenly came back. We got up and did other stuff. The evening was over.

I don't know why that night felt different. Nothing huge happened. We just sat in the dark and were together. But I think I got why people used to like candlelight. There was something about it that was nice.