Y05W23PA - When I Found Out the Truth

This week you wrote a story about finding out a hard truth. Now you'll read another student's story and decide how strong it is. Looking at their choices helps you sharpen the moves in your own writing.

Part 1

The Assessor Scorecard for

Narrative – Short story

Markers look for stories that pull readers into one vivid moment. Check each strand below to see what strong work looks like.

Ideas & Content

Details you can see, hear, or feel in the scene. Dialogue and actions that show — not tell. Events picked because they matter to the story. A clear reason each moment is on the page.

  • Specific detail: sensory, concrete details that bring the discovery to life.

Structure & Cohesion

Events that build toward the truth being found. Linking words that move the reader smoothly. No sudden jumps or scenes that wander. A shape readers can follow from start to end.

  • Purposeful build: events build toward the revelation at the centre of the story.

Audience & Purpose

Pacing choices that hold the reader's attention. Details picked to make the reader care. A voice that thinks about how the reader feels. Moments slowed or sped up on purpose.

  • Held attention: pacing and voice choices that keep readers engaged to the truth.

Language Choices

Exact verbs that show action, not flat ones. Words that hint at the truth before it lands. Dialogue that sounds like a real person. No word used when a sharper one fits.

  • Revealing language: words that build mood and hint at the truth coming.

Conventions

Spelling and grammar that don't pull readers out. Dialogue punctuation used correctly. Few errors, so the story stays in focus.

  • Story-supporting conventions: clean spelling and punctuation that serve the story.

Part 2

Today’s Marking Targets

Task in one sentence

Write a story about discovering your artwork won a competition under someone else's name.

You are writing a story about discovering that your artwork won first place in a competition, but under someone else's name. The story shows what happens when you find out and what decision you make in response. Your story should create tension around a genuine ethical dilemma.

Let’s Focus

Two strands matter most this week: Ideas & Content and Language Choices. Your ideas shape how readers feel the unfair moment. Your language choices build the tension and make readers care about what happens next.

Ideas & Content

Ideas drive the story. Pick the moments that matter — making the art, seeing it on the wall, the talk with the teacher. Show feelings through detail, not just by naming them. Each event must push the story forward.

What markers scan for

  • Pick events that matter — making, seeing, finding out.
  • Show feelings through detail, not just by naming them.
  • Link each event to the one before it.
  • Make the ending feel earned, not sudden.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Events are there but feel flat, with weak feeling shown.

  • Strong

    Events link clearly and feelings come through real detail.

  • Excellent

    Events link tightly and feelings come through sharp, chosen detail.

Language Choices

Language builds the tension. Exact verbs make actions vivid. Carefully picked words hint at the truth before it lands. Dialogue shows who the character is. Each word choice adds to how the moment feels.

What markers scan for

  • Use exact verbs that show action, not flat ones.
  • Pick words that hint at the truth coming.
  • Write dialogue that sounds like a real voice.
  • Vary sentence lengths to control the pacing.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Words are safe and general, with little tension built.

  • Strong

    Words are exact and varied, building tension for the reader.

  • Excellent

    Words are sharp and chosen, building strong tension throughout.

Now read · Student sample

When I Found Out the Truth

Year 5 sample · ~250 words

Student sample for assessment

Written by a Year 5 student in Launceston, Tasmania, Australia.

I was really happy when I found out about the art competition. I went home and drew a bird with lots of colours. I worked on it for days and days. I felt good about it because it was something I made with my own hands and it was really good.

Then the competition ended and they said the results. I was so sad because my name was not there. I felt bad. My mum said maybe I went the wrong way or something went wrong. I said no way, I put it in correctly.

The next day I went back to school and I saw my bird on the wall. But it said another girl's name. I felt really sad and angry at the same time. It was my bird. I knew it was my bird because I remember the colours I picked and the lines I made. Someone took my bird and said it was theirs.

I went and talked to Miss Ryan about it. She said it was a mistake and they would fix it. She said sorry but I was still upset. She told me that my bird was actually really good and it won first place in the wrong group. Then I felt a bit better but also sad because if they had put it in the right place, I would have known I was good at art. That made me feel different about myself.

In the end they gave me a certificate but I didn't feel happy like I thought I would. I just felt weird about the whole thing.