This week you wrote a formal letter expressing interest in a senior part-time position. Now you'll read another student's letter and judge how strong it is. Working through how assessors evaluate formal letters sharpens your ability to apply the same lens to your own work.
Part 1
The Assessor Scorecard for
Practical – Formal letter
A formal letter speaks to a specific audience for a clear purpose. Check each strand below to see what strong work looks like.
Ideas & Content
Every point should build your purpose — to persuade the reader to act.
Use specific evidence: 'experience with spreadsheets and customer service' beats 'I have learned a lot.'
Cut anything irrelevant or unexplained.
Ask: does every sentence move toward my goal?
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Purposeful points: show why the reader should act, not just what the writer wants.
Structure & Cohesion
Follow the letter shape: greeting, statement of purpose, body that develops the case, closing.
Open by stating your purpose immediately.
Build a logical case in the body and reinforce the request in the close.
Transitions between sections should feel natural.
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Letter shape: guides the reader through purpose, evidence and closing professionally.
Audience & Purpose
Know who you write to, what you want them to do, and what tone will persuade them.
Sound formal but not stiff, confident but not arrogant, respectful but not self-diminishing.
Weak work sounds like a text to a friend or like a textbook.
You need to sound like someone worth hiring.
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Persuasive fit: matches tone and detail to the role and recipient.
Language Choices
Word choice does precise work in formal writing.
'I have gained experience' beats 'I have learned stuff'; 'I look forward to' beats 'I hope.'
Avoid contractions — use 'do not' and 'cannot.'
Use active verbs and strong nouns; vague language undermines professionalism.
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Formal precision: makes skills, interest and suitability sound credible.
Conventions
Conventions show you understand what formal writing looks like.
Use a proper greeting ('Dear [Name]'), accurate spelling and punctuation, and a correct sign-off ('Yours sincerely').
Errors in spelling, punctuation, or letter format damage credibility before the reader finishes the first paragraph.
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Professional conventions: signal that the writer understands formal application writing.
Part 2
Today’s Marking Targets
Task in one sentence
Write a 320-word formal letter to the owner of a local business expressing interest in a senior part-time role, explaining your suitability and making a professional case.
Let’s Focus
Three strands matter most this week: Audience & Purpose, Language Choices and Conventions. Audience & Purpose decides whether your tone persuades the owner. Language Choices decides whether your vocabulary sounds professional. Conventions decide whether the letter looks credible from the first line.
Audience & Purpose
Your job is to persuade the owner you are the right candidate. Sound professional, confident in your abilities and respectful of the owner's decision. Show you understand the role's responsibilities and have concrete experience that prepares you for them. Weak letters sound like texts to a friend or so stiff they feel insincere.
What markers scan for
- Does the opening state the purpose clearly — that the writer is expressing interest in the role?
- Does the writer explain both why the role appeals and what experience makes them suitable?
- Is the tone confident without tipping into arrogance or apology?
Score Bands
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Basic
States interest in the role but doesn't explain why or provide clear evidence of suitability.
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Strong
Expresses interest clearly, explains experience gained, and makes a professional case for consideration.
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Excellent
Persuasive tone, specific evidence of suitability, and a closing that reinforces the purpose clearly.
Language Choices
Professional vocabulary is essential. The owner needs to hear confidence and competence. 'I have gained experience with customer interactions' beats 'I have done customer stuff.' Avoid contractions — use 'I have' instead of 'I've.' Choose active verbs that show what you have done. Casual language makes you sound unreliable.
What markers scan for
- Does the writer use professional vocabulary and avoid contractions and vague language?
- Do verbs show action and competence, or do they sound uncertain?
- Is every word choice doing work for the professional impression?
Score Bands
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Basic
Uses casual language, contractions, or vague verbs that undermine professionalism.
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Strong
Uses professional vocabulary, no contractions, and active verbs that convey competence.
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Excellent
Precise professional language throughout; word choices reinforce credibility and confidence.
Conventions
Correct letter format and accurate spelling and punctuation show you know what formal communication looks like. Use a proper greeting ('Dear [Name]' or 'Dear Sir/Madam'), spacing between sections, a formal sign-off ('Yours sincerely') and your full name. Errors damage credibility immediately.
What markers scan for
- Does the letter follow correct formal letter format (greeting, body, sign-off)?
- Is spelling and punctuation accurate throughout, with no contractions?
- Does the layout look polished on the page?
Score Bands
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Basic
Attempts letter format but has errors in spelling, punctuation, or format structure.
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Strong
Follows letter format correctly; spelling and punctuation mostly accurate; professional appearance.
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Excellent
Perfect letter format; flawless spelling and punctuation; polished professional presentation.
Now read · Student sample
A Formal Letter Expressing Interest in a Position
Year 9 sample · \~250 words
Student sample for assessment
Written by a Year 9 student in Dandenong South, Victoria, Australia.
15 April 2026 Mr James Wright Wright's Hardware 124 Princes Highway Dandenong South VIC 3175 Dear Mr Wright, I am writing to formally express my interest in the senior part-time position that you mentioned recently. I have thoroughly enjoyed my time working at Wright's Hardware and I am confident that my experience in the business makes me an excellent candidate for this role. I would welcome the opportunity to take on more responsibility and contribute to the store's continued success. During my time at the hardware store, I have developed strong customer service skills and gained practical knowledge of inventory management. I have regularly assisted customers in finding products and explaining their uses, and I have learned how to manage the stockroom efficiently. I am familiar with the point-of-sale system and I have processed customer transactions accurately. Additionally, I have demonstrated reliability by maintaining perfect attendance and arriving on time for every shift. These experiences have prepared me well for the increased responsibilities the senior role would require. I am particularly interested in this position because it would allow me to deepen my contribution to the business while gaining valuable experience in a more senior capacity. I am confident that my familiarity with store operations, my commitment to customer satisfaction, and my willingness to learn will make me a valuable asset in this role. I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss further how I can best serve Wright's Hardware in this position. Thank you for considering my application. I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience. Yours sincerely, Alex Morgan
