This week you wrote a formal letter of complaint about faulty sports equipment. Now you'll read another student's letter and judge how strong it is. Working through how assessors evaluate formal letters builds your ability to apply the same lens to your own work.
Part 1
The Assessor Scorecard for
Practical – Formal letter
A formal letter of complaint combines emotional impact with strategic restraint. The writer must describe a genuine problem without sounding angry, build a case through evidence, and make the stakes clear without resorting to threats.
Ideas & Content
Specific, verifiable details — failed component, dates, contact attempts.
A sequence that shows how the problem has escalated.
'It broke' replaced with 'the carbon fibre support failed after six weeks'.
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Specific detail: the difference between 'it broke' and 'the carbon fibre support failed after six weeks of training use'.
Structure & Cohesion
A clear architecture — opening, evidence, evaluation, request, consequence.
Chronological description so the reader can follow the escalation.
Each section building logically on the last to create urgency.
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Architecture: opening position, detailed evidence, evaluation, request, consequence.
Audience & Purpose
Firm but not hostile — professional throughout.
An implied willingness to negotiate, showing understanding of the reader.
A balance that makes the complaint feel justified and reasonable.
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Tone: professional, firm, slightly formal but not hostile.
Language Choices
Active verbs and precise word choice — no emotional language.
Impact shown through facts, not 'I'm really upset'.
Technical terms (warranty, component) used where they give authority.
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Word choice: active verbs, technical terms, absence of emotion-words.
Conventions
Correct letter structure — addresses, date, salutation, body, closing.
Flawless spelling and punctuation — errors undermine credibility.
Clear paragraphing and controlled sentences throughout.
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Format: correct letter structure, error-free conventions, clear paragraphing.
Part 2
Today’s Marking Targets
Task in one sentence
Write a formal letter of complaint about sports equipment that failed in normal use after six weeks, persuading the retailer to take action through replacement or refund.
Let’s Focus
Three strands matter most this week: Audience & Purpose, Language Choices and Ideas & Content. Audience & Purpose decides whether the complaint sounds reasonable to someone with power to act. Language Choices decides whether the tone stays firm without becoming aggressive. Ideas & Content decides whether the reader has enough specific evidence to understand the problem and the request.
Audience & Purpose
Strong writing this week shows sophisticated audience awareness. The writer knows the reader needs to see both urgency and reasonableness — and that the reader is busy. So they balance firmness with courtesy, specific detail with brevity, and emotional impact with restraint.
What markers scan for
- Moments where the writer acknowledges the reader's perspective.
- Formal but not cold language; urgency without aggression.
- A clear timeline, specific request and logical escalation.
Score Bands
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Basic
Addresses the retailer but tone is uneven — sometimes too angry, sometimes too apologetic; the desired outcome may lack clarity.
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Strong
Professional tone throughout; a specific request and clear awareness that the reader has responsibility and might reasonably consider the complaint.
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Excellent
Sophisticated audience awareness; balances firmness with courtesy and frames the request as reasonable, showing strategic thinking about how to move a busy business owner.
Language Choices
Strong writing this week uses language that is formal, precise and controlled. The writer names the fault clearly, explains the problem without exaggeration and chooses verbs that show action and responsibility. The language should make the retailer take the complaint seriously, not dismiss it as anger.
What markers scan for
- Formal vocabulary suited to a complaint letter.
- Specific words naming the product, fault and requested action.
- Firm but courteous phrasing that avoids threats or emotional overstatement.
- Clear modal language such as should, request, expect or would appreciate.
Score Bands
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Basic
Language is understandable but uneven; it may sound casual, too angry or too vague for a formal complaint.
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Strong
Language is mostly formal and precise, with clear wording about the fault, the impact and the requested solution.
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Excellent
Language is controlled and strategic throughout; every word choice strengthens the complaint while keeping the tone professional.
Ideas & Content
Strong writing this week includes the information the retailer needs in order to act: what was bought, what went wrong, when it happened, how it affected the buyer and what solution is requested. The writer should select relevant evidence rather than adding every frustration.
What markers scan for
- Clear explanation of the fault and when it occurred.
- Evidence that the item failed during normal use.
- Specific impact on the writer or team.
- A reasonable requested outcome, such as replacement or refund.
Score Bands
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Basic
Includes the basic problem but lacks important details; the request may be unclear or unsupported.
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Strong
Includes relevant details about the product, fault, impact and requested action, giving the retailer a clear reason to respond.
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Excellent
Selects exactly the right evidence and presents a convincing, reasonable case for action without irrelevant complaint.
Now read · Student sample
A Formal Letter of Complaint
Year 8 sample · \~300 words
Student sample for assessment
Written by a Year 8 student in Mount Waverley, Victoria, Australia.
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to lodge a formal complaint regarding a piece of sports equipment I purchased from your website three months ago. The product was described as suitable for regular training use, but it has failed in a way that makes it entirely unusable, and your customer service responses have not adequately addressed this issue. I purchased the equipment in good faith, based on your website's description. Within six weeks of normal training use—well within the expected lifespan of a product marketed for this purpose—a critical carbon fibre component failed. This was not damage caused by misuse; it was structural failure. When I contacted your customer service team by phone, I was promised a replacement part within ten business days. After two weeks of waiting, nothing had arrived. I called again to follow up. On that second call, I was told that the product was outside its return window and that the failure was covered under 'wear and tear,' which is not covered by your warranty. I do not accept this response as fair or accurate. Wear and tear refers to gradual degradation over extended use. Structural failure of a component in a product marketed for regular training use, occurring after six weeks, is not wear and tear—it is a failure to deliver what you promised. Your warranty terms are reasonable, but they do not apply to this situation. I have acted in good faith, followed your processes, and been let down twice: once by the product and again by your service response. I am seeking either a full refund or a replacement unit. I believe this is a fair request given the circumstances. If this matter is not resolved within five business days, I will be filing a formal complaint with the Australian Consumer Law office and sharing my experience publicly on consumer review platforms. I look forward to your prompt response. Yours faithfully, [Signature] [Name]
