Y07W09PA - The Secret That Cannot Stay Hidden

This week you wrote a short story where two characters are stuck together and a secret starts to surface. Now you'll read another student's story and decide how strong it is. Looking at someone else's work sharpens what you spot — and gives you moves to use in your own writing.

Part 1

The Assessor Scorecard for

Narrative – Short story

Markers look for stories that build tension around a hidden truth, with careful control of pace, pressure and revelation. Check each strand below.

Ideas & Content

A secret with real consequences for the character. Stakes that feel significant — not just convenient to the plot. A hidden truth that drives the emotional pressure forward.

  • Stakes: the hidden truth must matter enough to create real tension.

Structure & Cohesion

Structure that steadily closes the space around the secret. Time, setting and other characters tightening the situation. Each stage feels like a step toward revelation.

  • Pressure: time and space should steadily force the secret forward.

Audience & Purpose

Mystery builds before the secret is fully revealed. The reader senses something is hidden without knowing what. Controlled hints and misdirection keep the reader curious.

  • Curiosity: mystery should build before the secret fully emerges.

Language Choices

Dialogue, rhythm and sensory detail make tension visible. Short sentences and fragments signal rising pressure. Longer, slower moments create false calm before a turn.

  • Detail: dialogue, rhythm and sensory cues should make the tension visible.

Conventions

Correct dialogue punctuation throughout. Consistent tense that keeps the reader inside the scene. Errors that pull the reader out weaken the pressure built.

  • Control: accurate dialogue and tense help the tension stay clear and immersive.

Part 2

Today’s Marking Targets

Task in one sentence

Write a story where two characters are stuck together in a broken lift and a secret one of them holds starts to surface.

Let’s Focus

Two strands matter most this week: Audience & Purpose and Structure & Cohesion. How well the reader feels the secret hiding decides whether tension lands. How the space and time create pressure decides whether the reveal feels earned.

Audience & Purpose

Strong writing this week makes the reader curious before the secret is named. We sense something is wrong through the other character — strange behaviour, hesitation, avoided eye contact. Tension comes from feeling discomfort, not from being told there's a secret.

What markers scan for

  • A moment where the other character notices something is wrong.
  • Signs the secret is hidden before it's named.
  • The small space making the discomfort visible to the reader.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    The secret is stated early; there is little mystery; tension stays minimal.

  • Strong

    The reader senses something is wrong through behaviour; tension builds before the secret emerges.

  • Excellent

    Hesitation, dialogue gaps and physical detail build deep curiosity; the small space intensifies every moment.

Structure & Cohesion

This is where the story struggles. The lift, the limited time and the two characters should work together to push the secret toward the surface. Strong structure uses the constraints — nowhere to go, no escape, pressure mounting. Weak structure leaves the lift as just background.

What markers scan for

  • The lift itself creating pressure, not sitting as background.
  • Moments that build on each other through the scene.
  • A clear escalation from the start to the final reveal.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    The lift is background; moments feel disconnected; pressure does not build clearly.

  • Strong

    The confined space matters; moments escalate; the ending feels earned by what came before.

  • Excellent

    The lift is central to the plot; every moment lifts the pressure; time and space force the secret out.

Now read · Student sample

The Secret That Cannot Stay Hidden

Year 7 sample · \~200 words

Student sample for assessment

Written by a Year 7 student in Parramatta, NSW, Australia.

The lift doors slid shut and I immediately felt trapped. Maya pressed the button for floor twelve but nothing happened. We were stuck. It was only the two of us. We had never really talked before, even though we went to the same school. The air felt weird. Maya stood very still and would not look at me. I said "Do you think it will be fixed soon?" She did not answer. She was staring at her phone. I could see her hand was shaking. I asked again but she just said "Yeah, probably" in a quiet voice. Something was wrong. She kept checking her phone and her face looked scared. After a few minutes she said "I have to tell someone something. But you cannot tell anyone." I asked what it was. She said her best friend Zoe had told her she was moving away and nobody else knew yet. Zoe was leaving because her dad got a new job. Maya said that she had promised Zoe she would not say anything but now she felt bad keeping it secret from everyone. She was worried Zoe would move and nobody would have said goodbye properly. I said that keeping a secret for a friend is the right thing to do even if it feels bad. The lift started moving again and the doors opened on floor twelve. Maya looked better. She thanked me for listening.