Y12W35VC Why we all think we're the good guy

Almost everyone believes they're a good person. This doesn't mean everyone thinks they're perfect — people acknowledge flaws, regret mistakes, admit specific shortcomings. But they don't generally hold the possibility that they might be, overall, on the wrong side of the moral line. This week's article examines a disquieting fact: even perpetrators of genuine harm typically rate themselves as moral people who made understandable choices.

Core Vocabulary

self-regard

/ˌsɛlfˈɡɑːrd/|self.re.gard

noun

The opinion or judgment one holds about oneself, particularly regarding character and moral quality. Self-regard shapes how people evaluate their own behaviour and intentions.

Word family: self-regarding (n.), self-regardant (n.)

Synonyms: self-esteem, self-image, self-appraisal

Collocations: moral self-regard, high self-regard, inflated self-regard

Example: Perpetrators of harm maintain surprisingly positive self-regard despite the damage they cause.

In the articlePerpetrators of genuine harm — violent criminals, corrupt officials, cruel bosses, controlling partners — overwhelmingly see themselves as good people.

asymmetric

/ˌeɪsɪˈmetrɪk/|a.sym.met.ric

adjective

Not balanced or equal; lacking symmetry, particularly in how two parties perceive or evaluate the same situation. In psychology, asymmetry refers to systematic differences in how actors and observers interpret events.

Word Breakdown: a- (not) + symmetric (balanced)

Word family: asymmetry (n.), asymmetrically (adv.)

Synonyms: unequal, unbalanced, one-sided

Collocations: asymmetric information, asymmetric power, information asymmetry

Example: The magnitude gap reveals an asymmetric perception: perpetrators downplay harm while victims emphasise it.

In the articleOne perpetrator and one victim will walk away from the same incident with radically different understandings of what happened and how grave it was.

discomfiting

/dɪsˈkʌmfɪtɪŋ/|dis.com.fit.ing

adjective

Causing mild unease, embarrassment, or mental discomfort without being severe; unsettling in a way that provokes reflection rather than panic.

Word Breakdown: dis- (not) + -comfiting (making comfortable)

Word family: discomfit (n.), discomfited (n.)

Synonyms: unsettling, disturbing, awkward

Collocations: discomfiting fact, discomfiting truth, discomfiting observation

Example: The research presents a discomfiting discovery: certainty about your own goodness is weak evidence you actually are good.

In the articleThis has implications that are both clarifying and humbling.

rationalise

/ˈræʃ.ən.əl.aɪz/|ra.tion.al.ise

verb | [rationalises,rationalising,rationalised]

To justify or explain one's actions or beliefs with reasons that seem logical after the fact, often to defend oneself or reduce cognitive dissonance. Rationalisations may not reflect the true motives behind behaviour.

Word Breakdown: ration- (reason) + -alise (to make)

Word family: rationalisation (n.), rationalised (n.)

Synonyms: justify, explain away, excuse

Collocations: rationalise behaviour, rationalise away, rationalise one's actions

Example: Perpetrators rationalise their behaviour as necessary or justified rather than acknowledging deliberate harm.

In the articleWhen the reasoning breaks down under examination, they don't typically update their conclusions; they construct different reasoning that reaches the same conclusions.

perpetrator

/pərˈpeɪ.tə.tər/|per.pe.tra.tor

noun

A person who commits or carries out a wrong, crime, or harmful act. Perpetrators are distinguished from victims by their role as agents of harm.

Word Breakdown: perpet- (continue) + -ator (one who)

Word family: perpetrate (n.), perpetrated (n.)

Synonyms: offender, wrongdoer, culprit

Collocations: crime perpetrator, perpetrator of harm, identified perpetrator

Example: Research shows perpetrators typically underestimate the magnitude of harm they cause.

In the articlePerpetrators of genuine harm — violent criminals, corrupt officials, cruel bosses, controlling partners — overwhelmingly see themselves as good people.

victim

/ˈvɪk.tɪm/|vic.tim

noun

A person who suffers harm, loss, or injury as a result of actions by another. Victims are distinguished from perpetrators by experiencing the consequences of harmful actions.

Word family: victimise (n.), victimised (n.)

Synonyms: sufferer, injured party, casualty

Collocations: crime victim, victim of harm, support the victims

Example: Victims typically assess the magnitude of wrongs more severely than perpetrators do.

In the articleOne perpetrator and one victim will walk away from the same incident with radically different understandings of what happened and how grave it was.

magnitude

/ˈmæɡ.nɪ.tjuːd/|mag.ni.tude

noun

The great size, importance, or severity of something. In the context of harm, magnitude refers to how significant or serious a wrong is assessed to be.

Word Breakdown: magn- (great) + -itude (quality of)

Word family: magnitudinal (n.)

Synonyms: scale, extent, severity

Collocations: magnitude of harm, magnitude gap, underestimate the magnitude

Example: The magnitude gap describes how perpetrators and victims systematically disagree about how serious a harm was.

In the articleThe perpetrator and victim both walk away with a radically reduced understanding of how grave it was.

humbling

/ˈhʌm.bəl.ɪŋ/|hum.bling

adjective

Producing or showing humility; reducing pride or sense of superiority by reminding someone of human limitations or their fallibility.

Word Breakdown: humble + -ing (gerund form)

Word family: humble (n.), humbled (n.)

Synonyms: sobering, chastening, deflating

Collocations: humbling realisation, humbling fact, humbling experience

Example: It is humbling to discover that certainty about your goodness is almost no evidence you actually are good.

In the articleThis has implications that are both clarifying and humbling.

Technical Terms

magnitude gap

/ˈmæɡ.nɪ.tjuːd ɡæp/|mag.ni.tude.gap

noun

Baumeister's finding that perpetrators and victims systematically disagree about the severity of wrongs, with perpetrators downplaying impact and victims emphasising it. This gap reflects a fundamental asymmetry in moral perception.

Synonyms: perception gap, severity asymmetry

Collocations: magnitude gap research, demonstrate the magnitude gap

Example: The magnitude gap explains why perpetrators and victims leave the same incident with opposite understandings of its seriousness.

In the articleOne perpetrator and one victim will walk away from the same incident with radically different understandings of what happened and how grave it was.

moral self-regard

/ˈmɔr.əl ˌsɛlfˈɡɑːrd/|mor.al.self.re.gard

noun

The tendency to maintain a positive opinion of oneself as a moral person, independent of one's actual behaviour or impact on others. This mechanism allows even harmful people to see themselves as fundamentally good.

Synonyms: moral self-image, moral identity

Collocations: maintain moral self-regard, moral self-regard intact, research on moral self-regard

Example: Moral self-regard is nearly universal, meaning it tells us little about whether someone is actually acting ethically.

In the articleThe very people whose actions have most visibly damaged others typically report moral self-regard in the normal range.

motivated reasoning

/ˈmoʊ.tɪ.veɪ.tɪd ˈriːz.ən.ɪŋ/|mo.ti.va.ted.rea.son.ing

noun

The tendency to reason toward conclusions one is motivated to reach, often by unconsciously selecting evidence that supports preferred beliefs. Motivated reasoning allows people to maintain self-serving narratives.

Synonyms: confirmatory bias, biased reasoning

Collocations: motivated reasoning explains, motivated reasoning leads to, susceptible to motivated reasoning

Example: Motivated reasoning allows perpetrators to construct explanations that preserve their self-regard despite evidence of harm.

In the articleWhen the reasoning breaks down under examination, they don't typically update their conclusions; they construct different reasoning that reaches the same conclusions.

self-serving attribution

/ˌsɛlfˈsɜr.vɪŋ əˈtrɪb.juː.ʃən/|self.ser.ving.at.tri.bu.tion

noun

The systematic bias of attributing one's successes to personal qualities and one's failures to external circumstances. This pattern protects self-regard by maintaining flattering interpretations of behaviour.

Synonyms: actor-observer bias, self-serving bias

Collocations: self-serving attribution pattern, exhibit self-serving attributions

Example: Self-serving attribution enables perpetrators to blame circumstances rather than character for their harmful actions.

In the articleThe worst people in your community are probably not the ones who feel guilty about their behaviour.

cognitive dissonance

/ˈkɒɡ.nɪ.tɪv ˈdɪs.ə.nəns/|cog.ni.tive.dis.so.nance

noun

The uncomfortable psychological state produced by holding contradictory beliefs or values simultaneously, or when actions conflict with beliefs. People are motivated to reduce this discomfort.

Synonyms: psychological conflict, internal contradiction

Collocations: reduce cognitive dissonance, experiencing cognitive dissonance

Example: Cognitive dissonance between someone's actions and their self-image as a good person motivates rationalisation.

In the articleWhat they don't generally do is hold the possibility that they are, overall and fundamentally, on the wrong side of whatever moral line they believe in.

Figurative Phrases

the good guy

The protagonist morally; occupying the moral high ground within a narrative. Used idiomatically to describe a person's or group's self-perception as virtuous.

Etymology/Type: idiomatic

Synonyms: the hero, the moral actor

Example: People cast themselves as the good guy in their own stories, regardless of how others perceive their behaviour.

In the articleAlmost everyone believes they're a good person.

wear the white hat

To occupy the moral high ground; to be or appear to be virtuous. The phrase derives from Western films where heroes traditionally wore white hats.

Etymology/Type: idiomatic

Synonyms: have the moral high ground, be the good guy

Example: In the magnitude gap, perpetrators wear the white hat in their own narrative while victims see them otherwise.

In the articleSee themselves as good people who did what the situation required.

moral high ground

A position of ethical superiority or advantage in an argument or conflict. The phrase uses figurative rather than literal spatial language.

Etymology/Type: idiomatic

Synonyms: ethical advantage, moral superiority

Example: Perpetrators maintain the moral high ground by interpreting their actions as necessary rather than wrong.

In the articleThey don't generally hold the possibility that they might be, overall, on the wrong side of the moral line.

pot calling the kettle black

Hypocrisy; accusing someone of a fault you share yourself. The phrase uses inanimate objects metaphorically to expose contradiction.

Etymology/Type: idiomatic

Synonyms: hypocrisy, double standard

Example: When both perpetrator and victim judge each other harshly while excusing themselves, it's the pot calling the kettle black.

In the articleBoth perpetrators and victims struggle to see their own role in conflict.

a good person at heart

Fundamentally decent, despite visible flaws or mistakes. The phrase uses 'at heart' figuratively to refer to inner character beneath surface actions.

Etymology/Type: idiomatic

Synonyms: fundamentally decent, well-intentioned

Example: Many perpetrators believe they're a good person at heart, explaining harmful actions as anomalies rather than character.

In the articlePeople readily acknowledge specific flaws, regret specific mistakes, admit to being short-tempered or lazy.

self-serving story

A narrative constructed to flatter oneself or justify one's behaviour; a self-interested interpretation of events. 'Story' refers figuratively to interpretation.

Etymology/Type: idiomatic

Synonyms: convenient narrative, self-justifying account

Example: Perpetrators construct self-serving stories that cast their actions as understandable or necessary rather than harmful.

In the articleThey did what the situation required, or who were misunderstood, or who made specific errors that don't define them.

Confusing Words

Perpetrator vs. Perpetuator

These paronyms (words that sound/look similar but have different meanings) are confused because they look alike.

  • Perpetrator [one who commits the original wrong] — The perpetrator of the crime was arrested by police.
  • Perpetuator [one who continues or maintains something] — He became a perpetuator of the same cycle of abuse he experienced.

Perpetrator = initiates the harm (per- = "through", "carry through"); Perpetuator = continues it (perpetual = ongoing). Test: Who started it vs. who keeps it going?

Victim vs. Victimised

These words describe related but distinct concepts: one is a noun identifying a person, the other a verb or adjective describing an action or state.

  • Victim [the noun: a person who suffers harm] — She became a victim of workplace harassment after reporting safety concerns.
  • Victimised [past tense/adjective: the act of harming, or the state of being harmed] — He felt victimised when his colleagues blamed him for speaking up.

Victim = noun (the person affected); Victimised = verb/adjective (the process or state of suffering harm). If naming the person, use victim; if describing the harmful action or its result, use victimised.

Magnitude vs. Magnanimous

These paronyms look similar but describe entirely different concepts — one is about size, the other about character.

  • Magnitude [size, extent, importance] — The magnitude of the harm was far greater than the perpetrator acknowledged.
  • Magnanimous [generous, noble, forgiving] — A magnanimous response would involve genuine acknowledgment of the harm caused.

Magnitude = size/importance (answer "how serious/large?"); Magnanimous = generous/noble character (answer "is this person gracious?"). Remember: magnitude relates to measurement, magnanimous to character.