Y12W46VC What people really regret at the end
An Australian nurse named Bronnie Ware spent years working in palliative care. She had hundreds of conversations with people who knew they were dying. She started noticing patterns in what they said they regretted. The patterns weren't what popular culture would predict. Nobody wished they'd made more money. Nobody wished they'd bought a nicer car. This week's article examines what people actually regret at the end — and what the living can make of it.
Core Vocabulary
regret
/rɪˈɡret/|re.gret
n
A feeling of sorrow, disappointment, or remorse over a past action taken or not taken; wishing something had been different.
Word Breakdown: re- (back) + gret (from Old French 'greter', to weep), the re- suggests looking back
Word family: regretted (adj./v.), regretting (n./v.)
Synonyms: sorrow, remorse, disappointment
Collocations: express regret, deep regret, lasting regret
Example: Across many lives, the deepest regrets cluster around the things people didn't do rather than the things they did.
palliative
/ˈpæliətɪv/|pal.li.a.tive
adj
Designed to relieve or alleviate symptoms and suffering without curing the underlying condition, especially in end-of-life care.
Word Breakdown: from Latin 'palliare' (to cloak) + -ive (adjective suffix); the idea is covering or easing the pain
Word family: palliate (n./v.), palliatively (adv.)
Synonyms: comforting, alleviating, soothing
Collocations: palliative care, palliative approach, palliative treatment
Example: Palliative care focuses on comfort and dignity rather than attempting to reverse the dying process.
clustering
/ˈklʌstərɪŋ/|clus.ter.ing
n
The tendency for similar things to gather together or around common points; grouping naturally around shared characteristics.
Word Breakdown: cluster (from Old English 'clyster', a bunch or lump) + -ing (gerund suffix)
Word family: cluster (n./v.), clustered (adj./v.)
Synonyms: grouping, gathering, concentration
Collocations: clustering around, pattern of clustering, clustering together
Example: Ware noticed a striking clustering of regrets around the same themes, regardless of her patients' different backgrounds.
inaction
/ɪnˈækʃən/|in.ac.tion
n
The failure to act or take action; the absence of action when action might have been taken.
Word Breakdown: in- (not) + action (from Latin 'agere', to do or move), negating the concept of action
Word family: inactive (adj.), inactivity (n.)
Synonyms: failure to act, passivity, neglect
Collocations: inaction regret, results of inaction, paralysis by inaction
Example: Research shows that long-term regrets focus on inaction—the relationships not pursued, the words never said.
courage
/ˈkɜːrɪdʒ/|cour.age
n
The willingness to face difficulty, fear, or pain; the inner strength to act according to your values despite being afraid.
Word Breakdown: from Old French 'corage' (heart), connecting courage to the heart or core of character
Word family: courageous (adj.), courageously (adv.)
Synonyms: bravery, strength, determination
Collocations: moral courage, have the courage, lack of courage
Example: Many people at the end of life wish they'd had the courage to live authentically rather than meeting others' expectations.
authentic
/ɔːˈθentɪk/|au.then.tic
adj
True to oneself; genuine in character and values rather than performing a role to please others or meet external expectations.
Word Breakdown: from Greek 'authentikos' (original, genuine), from 'authentes' (author, master)
Word family: authenticity (n.), authentically (adv.)
Synonyms: genuine, sincere, true
Collocations: authentic self, live authentically, authentic life
Example: Living an authentic life means expressing your actual values and desires rather than what others expect from you.
consolation
/ˌkɒnsəˈleɪʃən/|con.so.la.tion
n
Comfort, solace, or relief offered to someone in difficulty or sorrow; the easing of pain or distress.
Word Breakdown: from Latin 'consolari' (to comfort), con- (with) + solace (comfort)
Word family: console (n./v.), consoled (adj./v.)
Synonyms: comfort, solace, relief
Collocations: source of consolation, find consolation, consolation prize
Example: For many people at the end of life, strong relationships become a consolation for paths not taken.
existential
/ˌeɡzɪˈstɛnʃəl/|ex.is.ten.tial
adj
Relating to existence itself and questions about meaning, identity, and the fundamental nature of being human.
Word Breakdown: from Latin 'existentia' (existence) + -ial (adjective suffix); relating to the question of being
Word family: existence (n.), existentialist (n./v.)
Synonyms: philosophical, fundamental, essential
Collocations: existential question, existential crisis, existential meaning
Example: The regret research touches on existential questions about what makes life meaningful and worth living.
Technical Terms
palliative care
/ˈpæliətɪv keɚ/|pal·li·a·tive care
noun phrase
Medical and emotional care focused on comfort and dignity for people with terminal illnesses, rather than attempting to cure the disease.
Synonyms: support, treatment, comfort
Example: Palliative care allows patients to spend their final weeks at home with family, prioritising comfort and meaning.
inaction regret
/ɪnˈækʃən rɪˈɡret/|in·ac·tion re·gret
noun phrase
According to research by Gilovich and Medvec, the regrets people express about things they didn't do, which become more painful over time.
Synonyms: sorrow, remorse, disappointment
Example: Inaction regret—wishing you'd contacted an old friend—often grows more painful as the years pass without repair.
action regret
/ˈækʃən rɪˈɡret/|ac·tion re·gret
noun phrase
Regret about things actually done; typically stronger and more vivid in the short term but fading over time as consequences are absorbed.
Synonyms: sorrow, remorse, disappointment
Example: Action regret—regretting something you said—is sharp immediately but usually loses its power over years.
life review
/laɪf rɪˈvjuː/|life re·view
noun phrase
According to Butler's research, the natural developmental process of reflecting on one's life, its meaning, and one's choices, especially at life's end.
Synonyms: related concept 1, related concept 2, related concept 3
Example: Life review is not depression but a normal and often healthy process of making meaning from experience.
deathbed regret
/ˈdeθbed rɪˈɡret/|death·bed re·gret
noun phrase
Specific regrets reported by people in palliative care or near the end of life; the subject of research by Ware and others on what people actually wish they'd done differently.
Synonyms: sorrow, remorse, disappointment
Example: Deathbed regrets commonly focus on relationships, authenticity, and work-life balance rather than material accumulation.
Figurative Phrases
near the end
Close to death; figuratively, approaching the final period of one's life when perspective shifts.
Etymology/Type: idiom — 'end' used figuratively for the conclusion of life
Synonyms: at the end of life, near death, in the final stage
Example: Near the end, people often gain clarity about what mattered most.
live a life true
To conduct one's life according to one's authentic values and desires rather than others' expectations.
Etymology/Type: idiom — 'true' used figuratively to mean 'according to one's actual self'
Synonyms: live authentically, be true to yourself, live by your values
Example: Ware's first regret was 'I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.'
working so hard
Over-engaging in work; devoting too much time and energy to career at the expense of relationships and wellbeing.
Etymology/Type: idiom — 'hard' specific to intense labour; emphasises the effort and exhaustion
Synonyms: overworking, workaholism, excessive career focus
Example: Many people regret working so hard and wish they'd spent more time with family.
stay in touch
To maintain contact and relationships with people; to keep communication and connection alive over time.
Etymology/Type: idiom — 'touch' used figuratively to represent connection or contact
Synonyms: maintain relationships, keep connected, stay in contact
Example: Many hospice patients realised they'd lost touch with specific friends and couldn't repair it.
let yourself be happier
To grant yourself permission to experience happiness now rather than deferring it until future achievements or conditions.
Etymology/Type: idiom — 'let' used reflexively to mean 'allow yourself'; 'be' emphasises present experience
Synonyms: allow yourself happiness, claim happiness now, stop deferring joy
Example: Ware's fifth regret captures how many people postpone happiness until conditions change—a postponement that never resolves.
the one that got away
A missed opportunity or a person or relationship that was lost, often regretted as a path not taken.
Etymology/Type: idiom — originating from fishing but used figuratively; 'got away' suggests escape from your grasp
Synonyms: missed opportunity, lost chance, the road not taken
Example: For many people, friendships or relationships that faded become 'the one that got away'.
Confusing Words
regret vs. remorse
These near-synonyms both express sadness about the past, but regret is broader and covers any wish that something had been different, while remorse is specifically the deep guilt and repentance that comes from knowing you've caused harm.
- Regret is any feeling of sorrow or disappointment about a past action or inaction—wishing it had been otherwise — the most common deathbed regrets involve things people didn't do, from relationships not pursued to dreams not followed, and these regrets don't necessarily carry guilt.
- Remorse is specifically guilt and repentance for harm you've caused, accompanied by a wish to make amends — remorse requires knowing that your action wronged someone; you can regret a missed opportunity without feeling remorse for it.
If you feel sorrow about something being different, use regret. If you feel guilty because you've HARMED someone and wish you could undo that wrong, use remorse.
palliative vs. preventative
These contrasting medical approaches operate at opposite points in illness: palliative responds to disease that's already present, while preventative works to stop disease from developing in the first place.
- Palliative means relieving or alleviating symptoms and suffering without curing the underlying condition, especially when cure is no longer possible — palliative care allows people at the end of life to focus on comfort and dignity rather than pursuing treatments that won't reverse their condition.
- Preventative (or preventive) means taking action to stop disease or condition from developing in the first place — preventative medicine includes vaccinations, exercise, and nutrition that keep people healthy before illness strikes.
If you're MANAGING AN EXISTING CONDITION for comfort, use palliative. If you're STOPPING A CONDITION before it starts, use preventative.
authentic vs. genuine
These near-synonyms both relate to truth, but authentic emphasises alignment with your own true self or origins, while genuine emphasises the absence of fakeness or deception.
- Authentic means true to yourself or your origins; expressing your actual values, desires, and character rather than performing a role others expect — many people regret not having the courage to live an authentic life, meaning they wish they'd expressed who they really were instead of conforming to others' expectations.
- Genuine means sincere and without pretence or falseness; not faked or counterfeit — a genuine apology comes from the heart, and genuine friendships are based on real connection rather than performed interest.
If you're talking about being TRUE TO YOURSELF, use authentic. If you're talking about being SINCERE or NOT FAKE, use genuine.
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