Y09W33PA - Stuck Together

This week you wrote a short story about two people stuck together with nothing to do but talk. Now you'll read another student's piece and judge how strong it is. Working through what makes encounters feel specific sharpens your own narrative writing.

Part 1

The Assessor Scorecard for

Narrative – Short story

A short story creates a specific world with specific people. It shows, through dialogue and action, what passes between characters rather than telling readers what to think.

Ideas & Content

Dialogue feels real — shaped to sound authentic, not how people actually talk. Description is specific and concrete, not vague or cliché. Show what's happening through detail, not by telling readers. The strongest stories make readers care because the language makes them see it.

  • Authentic dialogue: sounds shaped and believable without copying real speech exactly.

Structure & Cohesion

Readers should understand when and where the story is set. The sequence of events should be followable. Structure can vary within the constraint, but it should serve the story. Does tension build? Does understanding develop? Structure shapes the reader's experience.

  • Scene grounding: tells readers where and when the story is unfolding.

Audience & Purpose

Readers want a real story, not a lesson. Show characters as real people — flawed, complex, dealing with a situation. Your purpose is to show what happens, not to teach. Let the story speak.

  • Story purpose: creates a real narrative rather than delivering a lesson.

Language Choices

The central idea is what you show passing between these two people. It might be connection, misunderstanding, respect despite difference, or something else. The strongest stories avoid neat resolutions. They show something specific and real about encounter and communication.

  • Shared change: shows what passes between the two characters.

Conventions

Dialogue is punctuated correctly; scene, time and place are clear. Paragraphs break at logical points. Spelling and grammar are accurate. These conventions keep readers focused on the story, not distracted by errors.

  • Dialogue control: keeps speech, scene and time clear through accurate formatting.

Part 2

Today’s Marking Targets

Task in one sentence

Create a story about two people stuck somewhere together with nothing to do but talk, being specific about what actually passes between them.

Let’s Focus

Three strands matter most this week: Language Choices, Structure & Cohesion and Conventions. Language decides whether readers believe the dialogue and see the scene. Structure decides whether the encounter develops with purpose. Conventions keep readers inside the story rather than tripping over errors.

Language Choices

Strong narrative language is precise and alive. Dialogue feels authentic without being exactly how people talk. Description is specific and concrete. No clichés or lazy language. The language makes readers care what happens between these two characters.

What markers scan for

  • Specific, precise dialogue and description; no clichés.
  • Language that makes readers believe the situation.
  • Dialogue that reveals character and moves the story forward.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Language is vague or relies on clichés; dialogue sounds artificial.

  • Strong

    Language is generally precise; dialogue mostly authentic; some clichés present.

  • Excellent

    Precise, alive language throughout; authentic dialogue; specific detail makes readers care.

Structure & Cohesion

Clear structure helps readers understand when, where and what is happening. Within the constraint of being stuck, strong stories vary structure — but it serves the story. Readers can follow the sequence and understand how the encounter develops.

What markers scan for

  • Clear setup: when, where and how are they stuck?
  • Followable sequence of events and conversation.
  • Structure that shapes how readers experience the encounter.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Setup is unclear; sequence is hard to follow; structure doesn't serve the story.

  • Strong

    Clear setup and followable sequence; structure is effective but could be more purposeful.

  • Excellent

    Clear setup; sequence is easy to follow; structure shapes the reader's experience effectively.

Conventions

Conventions in narrative writing keep readers inside the story. Dialogue punctuation, paragraph breaks at scene or speaker changes, accurate spelling and grammar all stop the reader from being pulled out by errors. Technical accuracy lets the story do its work.

What markers scan for

  • Dialogue punctuated correctly with new paragraphs for each speaker.
  • Accurate spelling and grammar throughout.
  • Paragraph breaks at logical points in the scene.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Frequent errors in dialogue punctuation, spelling or grammar distract readers.

  • Strong

    Mostly accurate conventions; occasional errors that don't seriously disrupt the story.

  • Excellent

    Conventions are accurate throughout; technical control keeps readers inside the story.

Now read · Student sample

Stuck Together

Year 9 sample · \~550 words

Student sample for assessment

Written by a Year 9 student in Fitzroy, Victoria, Australia.

The lift had been stuck for forty minutes. Maya knew this because she'd been watching the time on her phone, willing it to move faster, even though the time passing didn't change the fact that the doors weren't opening. She wasn't alone. An older man in a suit stood in the opposite corner. They'd both gotten on at different floors; neither had pushed the emergency button for twenty minutes, which felt significant in some way Maya couldn't quite define. Then he did, and the speaker crackled with a voice saying someone would be there soon. "Engineering students," he said. "Three floors up. New building. They're installing something." Maya had no idea how he knew this. "I'm guessing," he continued, as if reading her mind. "Every time they do construction, same thing happens. Three times in the last year." She nodded, not sure what to do with this information. The man—his name tag said 'Robert Chen'—didn't seem to expect anything. He looked at his watch. She looked at her phone. Minutes moved differently when you were waiting. "You're in a rush," he said. It wasn't a question. Maya had been practically vibrating with impatience. "Appointment," she said. "I'm probably going to miss it." "Who with?" "College interview. Year 10 into Year 11 program at Haileybury." Robert made a small sound that could have been acknowledgment. "Nervous?" "Terrified," Maya admitted. Then wished she hadn't. This was a stranger. "Terrified is honest. I like it." He leaned against the lift wall. "I had an interview like that. Different school, different era. I threw up three times that morning." Maya looked at him. He didn't seem like the type to throw up over anything. "Didn't get in," he continued. "I was gutted. Thought it was the end of the world. Went to the school my marks got me into instead. Hated it for exactly three weeks. Then stopped hating it. Ended up being fine." Maya didn't know what to say to this. It wasn't inspiring exactly, but it was honest in a way she wasn't expecting. "What happened after that?" she asked. "Became an engineer. Ended up being grateful I went where I went, because they had a better engineering program. The place that rejected me? They didn't. Life's weird like that. You want one thing desperately, and it turns out you didn't actually want that—you wanted what you're getting instead, you just didn't know it yet." The lift suddenly lurched and the doors slid open. A maintenance person waved them out, apologetic. Maya stepped out, and Robert followed. In the lobby, they paused. "Go get the interview," he said. "And if you don't get in, it probably won't matter as much as it feels like it will." "That's not exactly inspiring," Maya said. "Good," he replied. "Inspiring is usually bullshit." She smiled despite herself. He walked toward the exit. She walked toward the stairs, checking her phone. The interview was in three minutes and she had three floors to climb. She'd be late, probably sweaty, definitely not at her best. And for some reason, it didn't feel quite as catastrophic as it had forty minutes ago.