Y09W31PA - Should High-Caffeine Energy Drinks Be Restricted to Adults?

This week you wrote a persuasive submission to a public health committee on whether high-caffeine energy drinks should be restricted to adults. Now you'll read another student's piece and judge how strong it is. Working through how markers evaluate submissions sharpens your ability to apply the same lens to your own work.

Part 1

The Assessor Scorecard for

Persuasive – Submission

A persuasive submission to a public health committee is evidence-based and clear. It respects the intelligence of decision-makers while being honest about complexity.

Ideas & Content

Your audience is a committee weighing whether to restrict a product. They need to understand both the harm you're concerned about and the practical concerns of enforcement. They routinely balance competing values: health, personal liberty, regulatory feasibility. Your purpose is to help them think through the decision, not to assume they're unreasonable.

  • Regulatory awareness: addresses health, liberty and enforcement concerns together.

Structure & Cohesion

State your position early; develop your main case. Address opposing views; explain why your position is preferable despite tradeoffs. Each section should build logically on what came before. Without clear structure, even compelling reasoning gets lost.

  • Clear case: states the position early and develops it through trade-offs.

Audience & Purpose

Avoid exaggeration ('will definitely cause harm') or vagueness ('might be bad'). Use specific language about health effects. Clichés like 'think of the children' weaken health argument — they suggest you lack evidence. Let your reasoning carry the weight.

  • Health precision: avoids exaggeration while naming risks specifically.

Language Choices

Argument should rest on health reasoning or principles of fair regulation. What evidence supports your position? Are adolescent risks genuine? Address the inconsistency that coffee and soft drinks aren't restricted. The strongest submissions acknowledge this and explain how their position handles it.

  • Evidence basis: connects the restriction to health reasoning or fair regulation.

Conventions

Sentences are clear and direct. Paragraphs develop single points. Spelling and punctuation are accurate. Professional presentation keeps focus on your argument.

  • Professional clarity: keeps sentences, paragraphs and presentation controlled.

Part 2

Today’s Marking Targets

Task in one sentence

Take a position on whether energy drinks should be restricted to adults 18+, support it with reasoning about health, regulation or fairness, and address one opposing argument.

Let’s Focus

Three strands matter most this week: Audience & Purpose, Structure & Cohesion and Language Choices. Audience awareness decides whether the committee takes you seriously. Structure decides whether they can follow your reasoning. Language decides whether your case sounds evidence-based or emotional.

Audience & Purpose

Strong submissions understand that a public health committee weighs genuine concerns on both sides. They present reasoning that would matter to someone considering policy — evidence about harm, principles about regulation, or practical concerns about enforcement. They respect the audience by not pretending complexity doesn't exist.

What markers scan for

  • Clear position stated early; audience immediately understands your stance.
  • Reasoning pitched at decision-makers: specific, substantive, not patronising.
  • Genuine acknowledgment of concerns raised by the other side.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Position is unclear; reasoning is vague or simplistic; opposing view is dismissed.

  • Strong

    Clear position with substantive reasoning; opposing concerns are acknowledged, though engagement could be deeper.

  • Excellent

    Crystal-clear position; specific, well-reasoned case; thoughtful engagement with genuine tradeoffs.

Structure & Cohesion

Clear structure guides readers through your reasoning. The strongest submissions establish their position early, develop points logically, address opposing views, and explain their conclusion. Transitions show how ideas connect and build.

What markers scan for

  • Clear, early statement of position.
  • Logical progression of reasoning.
  • Clear transitions between ideas; each section builds on previous ones.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Structure is unclear; ideas jump around; hard to follow the argument.

  • Strong

    Structure is generally clear; reasoning progresses logically, though some transitions could be smoother.

  • Excellent

    Clear, purposeful structure; reasoning unfolds logically; smooth transitions show how ideas build.

Language Choices

Precise language about health and regulation is more persuasive than emotional appeals or exaggeration. Strong submissions use specific language about health effects, avoid clichés, and maintain a measured, professional tone even when discussing serious concerns.

What markers scan for

  • Specific language about health effects; avoids exaggeration or vagueness.
  • Professional tone; appropriate qualifiers that show careful thinking.
  • No reliance on clichés or emotional appeals.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Language is vague, relies on clichés or emotional appeals; excessive exaggeration or hedging.

  • Strong

    Language is generally precise; mostly professional tone; appropriate qualifiers present.

  • Excellent

    Precise, specific language throughout; professional tone maintained; no clichés or emotional appeals.

Now read · Student sample

Should High-Caffeine Energy Drinks Be Restricted to Adults?

Year 9 sample · \~350 words

Student sample for assessment

Written by a Year 9 student in Ivanhoe, Victoria, Australia.

I submit that Australia should not restrict high-caffeine energy drinks to adults, but should instead require clear labelling and age-appropriate marketing, combined with stronger education about caffeine effects. Energy drink consumption among adolescents does raise legitimate health concerns. The caffeine and sugar content in some drinks far exceeds what health experts recommend for young people. Regular consumption can disrupt sleep, increase anxiety, and in rare cases, contribute to cardiac issues. These concerns are real. But restriction is the wrong response because it creates more problems than it solves. Enforcement of an age restriction would be extremely difficult. Corner stores, online retailers, and informal markets would continue supplying underage users. An age restriction creates black markets without actually protecting health. Countries that have attempted similar restrictions often find teenagers obtaining products through workarounds. Resources spent on enforcement would be better spent on education. Moreover, an age restriction is inconsistent with how we regulate other risk products. Coffee contains similar or higher caffeine levels but is unrestricted. Sugary soft drinks pose comparable health risks but are unrestricted. Why restrict energy drinks specifically? If the concern is caffeine, we should address all caffeinated beverages consistently, not single out one category. If the concern is sugar, we should address that across all sugary products. Inconsistent regulation creates legal and fairness problems. The practical alternative is more effective. Clear labelling—stating exactly how many milligrams of caffeine are in each serve, equivalent to cups of coffee, and maximum recommended intake for adolescents—gives consumers actual information. Most adolescents can handle moderate caffeine; what they need is information to make choices. Age-appropriate marketing restrictions (not selling to under-18s through youth-targeted channels) address the concern about targeting young people without creating a black market. Education is crucial. Schools should teach adolescents about caffeine effects: sleep disruption, anxiety, dependency. This addresses the actual problem—uninformed use—rather than assuming restriction is the only tool. Young people deserve to understand risks, not to be protected from choice through prohibition. If the committee decides restrictions are necessary, they should be implemented consistently across all high-caffeine products, not just energy drinks. But education, labelling, and marketing restrictions are more effective, fairer, and enforceable solutions.