Y06W40PA - Improving the Canteen Ordering System

This week you wrote a feedback letter about the canteen ordering system. Now you'll read another student's letter and decide how strong it is. Every module sharpens how you spot strong writing — and helps you fix your own.

Part 1

The Assessor Scorecard for

Transactional – Feedback letter

Markers look for letters that suggest changes politely and clearly so the reader takes them seriously. Check each strand below to see what strong work looks like.

Ideas & Content

Suggestions specific enough that someone could act on them. Reasons that explain why each change helps. No vague complaints — only useful ideas.

  • Specific suggestions that: the reader could actually put in place.

Structure & Cohesion

A greeting, then context, then suggestions, then closing. Each paragraph holds one suggestion with its reason. A closing that thanks the reader and ends the letter.

  • Clear structure that: guides the reader through each suggestion.

Audience & Purpose

Respectful but confident — not cold and not bossy. Clear about the purpose without sounding demanding. Professional language that fits a formal letter.

  • Professional tone that: respects the reader while being direct.

Language Choices

Clear, straightforward words — not slang or chat. No overly fancy words that feel out of place. Language that matches a formal letter all the way through.

  • Appropriate register that: fits the formal purpose.

Conventions

Correct date, greeting, and sign-off on the page. Spelling and punctuation that don't break the formal tone. A pattern of mistakes lowers the mark — one or two does not.

  • Formal letter conventions: (date, greeting, signature) used correctly.

Part 2

Today’s Marking Targets

Task in one sentence

Write a formal letter to the canteen manager with at least two specific suggestions and the reason each one helps students.

Let’s Focus

Two strands matter most this week: Audience & Purpose and Conventions. The tone decides whether the manager takes the letter seriously. The spelling and format decide whether the letter looks professional.

Audience & Purpose

Strong writing this week speaks to the canteen manager with respect. Suggestions are framed as helpful ideas, not complaints. Each one shows how students would benefit. The writer treats the manager as someone who can act on the advice.

What markers scan for

  • Look at the greeting and how each problem is framed.
  • Notice how each suggestion includes a clear reason.
  • Check the closing for respect and a clear purpose.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Addresses a reader but tone is uneven or suggestions feel disconnected.

  • Strong

    Holds a professional tone; suggestions are specific and helpful.

  • Excellent

    Professional tone throughout; suggestions show clear understanding of the reader.

Conventions

Strong writing this week uses correct letter format and accurate spelling. The date, greeting, and sign-off must all be right. Common misspellings — like "sutdents" for "students" — break the formal tone. Punctuation in long sentences should be careful too.

What markers scan for

  • Check the date and address format at the start.
  • Look at the greeting and the sign-off carefully.
  • Watch spelling, especially in common words.
  • Check punctuation in longer sentences.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Attempts letter format but has many spelling or punctuation mistakes.

  • Strong

    Follows letter format; writing is mostly accurate with minor slips.

  • Excellent

    Correct format and accurate writing; nothing distracts from the message.

Now read · Student sample

Improving the Canteen Ordering System

Year 6 sample · \~150 words

Student sample for assessment

Written by a Year 6 student in Altona, Victoria, Australia.

15 April 2026 Canteen Manager School Canteen

Dear Canteen Manager, I am writing to share feedback about the new online ordering system. Thank you for asking sutdents to suggest improvements. I have two ideas that I believe would help. First, many sutdents find the delivery times confusing. The system does not clearly show how long orders take to arrive. I suggest adding a simple timer or clear message that tells students exactly how many minutes their order will take. This would help sutdents plan their lunch breaks better and reduce waiting time frustration. Second, I have noticed that the payment system is difficult, it asks students to enter payment information every time they order. I think students would order more regularly if they could save their payment details securely. This would make ordering faster and easier for students. Thank you for considering these suggestions. I am confident that these changes would improve the system for students and help your canteen work better. I hope to see these improvements soon. Sincerely, Year 6 Student