Y05W16PA - Two Ways to Begin a Story

This week you wrote a piece comparing two story openings. Now you'll read another student's piece and decide how strong it is. Looking at someone else's work helps you spot moves you can use in your own writing.

Part 1

The Assessor Scorecard for

Comparative Writing – Comparative Analysis

Markers look for analysis that goes past listing differences. Check each strand below to see what strong work looks like.

Ideas & Content

Real similarities and differences, not surface ones. Thinking about what each opening does to the reader. Reasons why each effect matters, not just naming it.

  • Analytical depth: thinking about effect, not just listing differences.

Structure & Cohesion

Point-by-point — compare both openings on each idea. Or block — finish opening A, then opening B. Linking words — "whereas," "by contrast" — guide the reader.

  • Clear comparative structure: ideas linked by what's being compared.

Audience & Purpose

Comparison that helps the reader see something new. Not comparing for the sake of it — each point adds meaning. Thinking that respects the reader as smart.

  • Purposeful comparison: helps the reader see things they might miss.

Language Choices

Exact words — "creates," "shows," "hints at" — not "different." Linking words for comparing — "similarly," "by contrast." No vague words like "interesting" that say nothing.

  • Precise analytical language: exact words for comparing and showing effect.

Conventions

Spelling and punctuation that don't get in the way. Sentences vary so the analysis stays sharp. Few mistakes, so the reader trusts your thinking.

  • Technical accuracy: supports clear thinking and trust.

Part 2

Today’s Marking Targets

Task in one sentence

Write a comparison of two story openings — one full of setting, one full of action — and what each one does for the reader.

You have two clear approaches to analyse. Opening A immerses the reader in a richly described setting before any character or action appears; the reader learns the atmosphere and landscape before anyone does anything. Opening B drops the reader directly into action or conversation; something is already happening and the reader must figure out what. Your analysis should explore: What does each approach accomplish? What does it make the reader feel? What expectations does each set up about the story to come? What are the strengths of each approach? What are the limitations? What kind of story would be well-suited to each? What kind of reader experience is each creating? Your analysis should be specific and reasoned, not general lists.

Let’s Focus

Two strands matter most this week: Ideas & Content and Structure & Cohesion. Real analysis goes past listing what's different and asks why each effect matters. A clear order — point-by-point or block — helps the reader follow.

Ideas & Content

Strong writing this week thinks past the obvious. Setting openings build mood and ground the reader. Action openings create urgency and pull the reader straight in. Each one suits a different kind of story — say which, and why.

What markers scan for

  • Name what each opening does to the reader, not just what's in it.
  • Explain why each effect matters for the story.
  • Think about what kind of story suits each opening.
  • Use details from each opening to back your thinking.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Differences are clear but analysis stays at the surface.

  • Strong

    Analysis explores what each opening does and why it matters.

  • Excellent

    Analysis is sharp, exploring effects, strengths, and limits.

Structure & Cohesion

Strong writing this week has a clear comparing order. Point-by-point looks at both openings for each idea. Block finishes one opening, then the other. Either way, linking words like "whereas" guide the reader.

What markers scan for

  • Pick one order — point-by-point or block — and stick to it.
  • Look at both openings for each point you raise.
  • Use linking words like "whereas" or "similarly" to compare.
  • End by pulling meaning from the comparison.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Comparison is loose, with weak links between the two openings.

  • Strong

    Order is clearly comparative, with both openings examined together.

  • Excellent

    Order is tight, with smooth links and a meaningful ending.

Now read · Student sample

Two Ways to Begin a Story

Year 5 sample · ~150 words

Student sample for assessment

Written by a Year 5 student in Toowoomba, Queensland, Australia.

Opening A creates a feeling of mystery by describing the setting in rich detail. The reader learns about the foggy streets, old buildings, and strange sounds before anyone appears. This style makes you want to know what will happen in this unusual place. You are curious about why we are learning so much about where we are.

Opening B is completely different. A character is already speaking or doing something. The action drops you straight into the moment. You don't know where you are yet.

Setting descriptions help readers picture the world of the story. Opening A takes time to build mood and atmosphere. Most detective or mystery stories use this approach because it makes readers feel suspicious about what might happen next. Opening B works better for fast-moving action stories. Sports stories and adventure stories often begin this way because the action itself carries the excitement.

Writers choose their opening based on what kind of feeling they want to create. Opening A says "this place matters" and "pay attention to details." Opening B says "action is happening now and you need to keep up." Both can be effective depending on the story.