Y07W44PA - Why Our Park Should Be Upgraded

This week you wrote a formal letter supporting the upgrade of a local park. Now you'll read another student's letter and decide how strong it is. Looking at someone else's case sharpens what you spot — and gives you moves to use yourself.

Part 1

The Assessor Scorecard for

Transactional – Formal letter

Markers look for formal letters that describe problems clearly, explain the impact, and make a case for action. Tone is measured and professional throughout.

Ideas & Content

Specific, factual reasoning — not vague complaint. Problems described with concrete detail. Clear explanation of how each problem affects people. Facts matter more than feeling here.

  • Specific detail: problems described in concrete terms.

Structure & Cohesion

An opening that states the letter's purpose. A body that describes the problem and the case. A closing that requests action. Ideas follow a clear, logical order.

  • Organisation: ideas follow logical progression.

Audience & Purpose

Professional tone that fits an official letter. Awareness that the reader is a decision-maker. Respectful, informed and direct — not pleading. Language that sounds appropriate from start to finish.

  • Professionalism: tone suits official purpose.

Language Choices

Clear, direct language with precise terms. Active verbs that carry the case forward. No emotional language or jargon. Word choice that supports a factual tone.

  • Directness: language is clear and formal.

Conventions

Standard letter conventions: date, address, salutation, formal close. Accurate spelling and punctuation throughout. A pattern of errors lowers the mark — one or two does not. Format that looks professional on the page.

  • Format: letter layout and accuracy essential.

Part 2

Today’s Marking Targets

Task in one sentence

Write a 198–242 word formal letter to your council supporting an upgrade to your local park, with a clear case for funding.

Let’s Focus

Two strands matter most this week: Audience & Purpose and Structure & Cohesion. The letter is part of an official funding submission, so tone must sound professional and respectful. The council also needs to follow your argument for why this park deserves priority.

Audience & Purpose

The letter is part of an official funding submission. Council members reading it expect a professional tone and awareness of the formal context. Strong responses sound respectful and informed. Excellent responses show clear understanding of the council's funding role.

What markers scan for

  • Professional tone — no slang or demanding language.
  • Respect for the council's role in funding choices.
  • Sounds like an official submission, not a personal complaint.
  • Language suited to a formal reader from start to finish.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Tone is informal or emotional; no awareness of formal context; pleading or demanding.

  • Strong

    Tone is professional and respectful; aware of the council's role; fits an official submission.

  • Excellent

    Tone is professional and team-minded; clear grasp of formal context; supports the submission.

Structure & Cohesion

The council needs to follow the problem and the case for action. Strong responses open by stating the purpose, describe problems in logical order, explain community impact, and close by requesting action. Excellent responses use transitions that make the funding case compelling.

What markers scan for

  • A clear opening that states the letter's purpose.
  • Problems described in a logical sequence.
  • Explanation of why the park matters to the community.
  • A closing that invites council action.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Purpose unclear; problems described in a jumbled way; case for funding weak.

  • Strong

    Purpose clear; problems described logically; community benefit explained; closing invites action.

  • Excellent

    Purpose clear and professional; problems described step by step; funding case logical and strong.

Now read · Student sample

Why Our Park Should Be Upgraded

Year 7 sample · \~250 words

Student sample for assessment

Written by a Year 7 student in Thornbury, Victoria, Australia.

18 April 2026 Thornbury City Council Strategic Planning and Community Services Town Hall, Thornbury VIC 3071 Dear Councillors, I am writing to strongly recommend that Thornbury Park be prioritised for the next funding round for upgrades. This park is central to our community's wellbeing, and repairs are now urgent. Thornbury Park's equipment is broken and unsafe. Two swings have been removed due to damage, the basketball hoop has no net, and the seating areas are damaged and splintered. The park lighting is poor, which discourages people from using the space in early evening or winter. Parents tell us they will not bring children to a park that looks neglected and feels unsafe. This directly impacts how many people use the space. Beyond recreation, the park is essential to community health. The park provides free, accessible space where families can gather and children can play. For many residents, this is the only outdoor space available. Without it, children have nowhere safe to play outside school. The park also brings our neighbourhood together - people meet, build relationships, and feel part of a community. Our residents' group has spoken to many families in the area, and they strongly support an upgrade. They see the park as essential. Young people need safe places to spend time. Families need accessible public space. An upgrade would show that the council values our community and invests in its future. Thornbury Park is not a luxury - it is essential infrastructure that benefits all ages. I encourage the council to make this park a funding priority. Thank you for your consideration. Yours sincerely, Jordan Chen Year 7 Student, Thornbury