Y07W26PA - When Old Words Return

This week you wrote a short story about a character whose past words return at an awkward moment. Now you'll read another student's story and decide how strong it is. Looking at someone else's work sharpens what you spot — and gives you moves to use in your own writing.

Part 1

The Assessor Scorecard for

Narrative – Short story

Markers look for stories that create a real world and move a character through events that matter. Check each strand below to see what strong work looks like.

Ideas & Content

Events that trigger each other — actions have meaningful outcomes. Old words return in a way that reveals or changes something. The story feels surprising and true — not random or contrived. Characters respond honestly to what happens.

  • Consequence: actions have meaningful outcomes.

Structure & Cohesion

A clear opening that sets up the situation or character. Scenes and choices that build toward the turning point. The return of old words lands with weight — not buried. An ending that shows where the character is left.

  • Momentum: clear shape; the turning point lands with weight.

Audience & Purpose

Readers understand the character's view and care what happens. A consistent tone that carries the emotional journey. Clear language that keeps readers present in the story. No distance between the reader and the character's world.

  • Engagement: readers are drawn into the character's world.

Language Choices

Feelings shown through dialogue, gesture or physical detail. Word choice that reveals character and builds atmosphere. Dialogue that sounds real and moves the story forward. Exact details over general ones — show, don't tell.

  • Specific detail: exact details that show rather than tell.

Conventions

Correct spelling, consistent verb tenses, varied sentences. Dialogue formatted properly with clear attribution. Short sentences for impact; longer ones for reflection. Clean writing keeps readers focused on the story.

  • Clarity: correct mechanics and varied sentence control.

Part 2

Today’s Marking Targets

Task in one sentence

Write a story where a character's past words return at the wrong moment, making readers care about the character and the consequences.

Let’s Focus

Two strands matter most this week: Audience & Purpose and Language Choices. Set up the original moment so readers know what was said. Bring the words back with new weight. Use precise details so readers feel the surprise — the story must feel true, not manipulative.

Audience & Purpose

Strong stories draw readers into the character's view and make them care. Show whose story this is, what matters to them, and why readers should be invested. Weak stories feel distant — readers cannot connect to the character or feel the moment.

What markers scan for

  • Make clear who the character is and what matters to them.
  • Let readers feel the weight when the words return.
  • Keep the character's response believable.
  • Make the moment matter to the character — not just clever.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Character feels distant; readers do not invest; the return of words feels like a plot device.

  • Strong

    Character feels real; readers care; the return of words carries real emotional and story weight.

  • Excellent

    Character is vivid; readers are emotionally invested; the return of words is both surprising and deeply meaningful.

Language Choices

Narrative writing succeeds through precise language that brings moments to life. Markers look for specific details, real-sounding dialogue, and verbs that show exactly what happens. Vague language like 'she felt bad' weakens impact — strong writers show feeling through concrete detail.

What markers scan for

  • Show feelings through specific details — not by naming them.
  • Write dialogue that sounds like real talk.
  • Choose specific verbs over generic ones.
  • Let readers picture the scene clearly.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Language is vague; feelings are told, not shown; dialogue sounds artificial.

  • Strong

    Language is specific; feelings are shown through detail; dialogue sounds real.

  • Excellent

    Language is vivid and precise; sensory detail and real dialogue bring moments to life; word choice reveals character.

Now read · Student sample

When Old Words Return

Year 7 sample · \~350 words

Student sample for assessment

Written by a Year 7 student in Croydon, Victoria, Australia.

Year 8, now. When the photograph circulates, I recognise myself immediately — younger, smaller, in a jumper I haven't worn in three years. In it, I'm standing with Jacob. We're both grinning at the camera, his arm around my shoulders. Someone has written on the photo, directly under Jacob: 'He's a weirdo. Don't believe him.' My stomach drops. That is not recent handwriting. The photo is old — from Year 7, when we were close. I stare at the words and I know. I wrote them. Or rather — I know the moment I wrote them. Year 7, lunch. A girl asked me about something Jacob had said, something he'd told her about his family. I was angry at him that day (I cannot even remember why, now). So I told her not to trust him. I wrote it on the back of a photo he'd given me, and I left it on her desk. I thought I'd thrown that photo away a year ago. I thought no one had seen it. But someone kept it. Someone photographed it. And now, in the middle of year 8, when I have forgotten all about the anger, when Jacob and I have drifted so far apart that we barely speak, his words are everywhere. Not his words. Mine. I find him after school by his locker. 'I wrote that,' I say. 'On the photo. I wrote that in Year 7. I don't even remember why I was angry. I'm sorry.' He looks at the phone I'm holding, at the photo, at the circulating words. For a moment he doesn't say anything. 'I know you wrote it,' he finally says. 'I always knew. You weren't very subtle.' 'Then why didn't you say anything?' 'Because I thought we'd moved past it. Because I thought we were still friends, back then.' 'We were friends.' 'Yeah. And then we weren't.' He walks away. I stand there, looking at the photo again — the two of us, grinning, before the moment I turned on him. The words I wrote were a year old. The photograph is three years old. But somehow, standing here now, all that time collapses. Everything feels like it is happening right now.