Y07W10PA - Two Accounts of the Same Event

This week you wrote a comparative analysis of two accounts of the same event. Now you'll read another student's analysis and decide how strong it is. Looking at someone else's work sharpens what you spot — and gives you moves to use in your own writing.

Part 1

The Assessor Scorecard for

Analytical – Comparative analysis

Markers look for analysis that compares two accounts clearly, with careful organisation, precise language and a clear sense of what makes each account distinct.

Ideas & Content

Meaningful differences between the two accounts named clearly. An explanation of what each difference reveals. No simple listing of what each account says.

  • Significance: differences must be identified and explained, not just listed.

Structure & Cohesion

A logical path — account by account, or point by point. Clear topic sentences that signal each move. Transitions that link ideas from start to finish.

  • Organisation: the comparison should move logically and stay easy to follow.

Audience & Purpose

Both accounts explained clearly to the reader. A clear reason the comparison is worth making. Focus on what each account reveals — not which is better.

  • Clarity: the reader should understand both accounts and why the comparison matters.

Language Choices

Analytical verbs like 'contrasts', 'implies', 'suggests', 'reflects'. Words that name effects, not just describe content. Precise choices that strengthen every claim.

  • Precision: analytical vocabulary should make exact distinctions and effects clear.

Conventions

Accurate quotation marks around all borrowed words. Consistent tense across the analysis. Controlled sentences that support readability and trust.

  • Accuracy: quotations, tense and sentence control should support readability and trust.

Part 2

Today’s Marking Targets

Task in one sentence

Compare two written accounts of the same school carnival and explain what each writer's choices reveal about how writing shapes meaning.

Let’s Focus

Two strands matter most this week: Conventions and Structure & Cohesion. Errors break the reader's trust in your thinking. A muddled path through the comparison hides even strong ideas. Both decide whether your analysis lands.

Conventions

Analysis must be technically correct to feel reliable. Strong writing this week uses accurate spelling, quotation marks around borrowed words, grammatically sound sentences and consistent tense. The reader should never be pulled from the ideas by a technical slip.

What markers scan for

  • Quotation marks used correctly around every borrowed phrase.
  • Accurate spelling and grammar throughout the piece.
  • Tense kept consistent — present or past — across the analysis.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Multiple spelling, grammar or quotation errors; tense shifts unexpectedly; mistakes distract from meaning.

  • Strong

    Quotes marked correctly; spelling and grammar are accurate; tense stays consistent; errors are minor.

  • Excellent

    Flawless quotation, spelling, grammar and tense; the reader focuses entirely on the ideas.

Structure & Cohesion

Strong writing this week guides the reader through the comparison clearly. The path is either point-by-point or text-by-text. Transitions link each idea. Weak structure jumps about, repeats points or loses focus, leaving the reader unsure which text is being discussed.

What markers scan for

  • A clear path the reader can follow from start to finish.
  • Ideas that build logically from one to the next.
  • Clear signals about which text is being discussed.

Score Bands

  • Basic

    Ideas jump around; the comparison is hard to follow; focus shifts or becomes unclear.

  • Strong

    The comparison is organised clearly; ideas build logically; transitions connect each point.

  • Excellent

    Seamless organisation; each idea builds on the last; the reader is guided smoothly through the analysis.

Now read · Student sample

Two Accounts of the Same Event

Year 7 sample · \~350 words

Student sample for assessment

Written by a Year 7 student in Camperdown, NSW, Australia.

The two accounts of the carnival show very different ways of writing about the same event. Account A is factual. It lists what happened: the relay result, the long jump, the time the buses left. Account B is about feelings. It focuses on the mood and how the writer felt during the day. These are totally different approaches. Account A uses facts and numbers to describe the carnival. It says "Our house came third in the relay, which was disappointing" and "I came second in the long jump, which was okay." The writer is measuring success by winning and losing. Disappointment and "okay" are quick judgments. The writer of Account A cares about results. Account B does not care about winning. It says "I did not win anything, but watching Maya take the long jump was one of those moments that felt important." This is very different from Account A. Account B shows that importance is not about winning. The writer values the moment itself, not the outcome. Account B also describes the physical experience: "The noise, the house colours, even the dust rising off the oval — it all felt more alive than a regular school day." Account A mentions dust but only to say it was "dusty". Account B uses the dust as part of the feeling. The mood of Account A is tired and bored. It says "A lot of people were just sitting around by lunchtime" and "the oval was dusty." This creates the impression of a long, hot day that was not very exciting. Account B creates a completely different mood. It says "something had shifted" and the day "felt more alive." Both writers were at the same carnival but Account A shows a tired event and Account B shows something meaningful. The biggest difference is that Account A is about facts and Account B is about experience. Account A tells you what happened. Account B tells you what it felt like. This shows that how you write about something changes what you communicate. If you focus on results and facts, the reader thinks the day was disappointing. If you focus on moments and feeling, the reader thinks the day was important and alive.